i don't know what to feel...

... I wrote an entire blog... posted it... then perused my old blog posts... stopped around October 2009... realized I'm acting like a hopeful idiot and took down my newest blog. the end.

which is totally sad because my previous blog was so positive... I'll post it tomorrow... maybe. Or something. I need to focus on the words I haven't posted before I can share them with everyone. Because I would be nothing less than a hypocrite if I kept my blog as it was with what I'm feeling right now. Sorry if I'm being confusing. I'm just overly emotional. hah. Thanks for reading.

No wait, I'm not done. You want to know the real reason I'm freaking out? Because I'm scared. Completely scared. And in my other blog (the one I deleted) it touches on the fact I shouldn't be scared because if I let Jesus take the wheel- because now seems like the most obviously appropriate time to quote Carrie Underwood- then I'd be trusting in him that whatever happens will be for the best. And I know this is true. However, just because something is true doesn't make it any easier to believe. Like Harry Potter being completely over... It's the truth but it's incredibly hard to believe. I'm really on a roll with my pop culture references tonight. I'm sure I can throw in a Glee one before I stop all this word vomit. I'm sure you're thrilled.

My point is I'm terrified. I've gone out of my way not to feel like this over the last handful of years... And look at all the good that did. This, all these emotions that I'm being bombarded with, should be illegal. Like having Rachel and Finn actually get married ... Completely illegal. (told you I could do it). Alright, I think I'm done now. I mean obviously you're probably still confused, but if you're that worried text me. I always enjoy texts. and I'm sure it'll help at least a little. See? That was positive...

Fifty shades of packing...

I love working at a bookstore. Books have always been a crucial part of my life and it absolutely rocks to be up to date with what's popular and new or old and classic. Either way it's the best. So, there is this new book that has apparently taken the stay-at-home-moms by storm (that was actually a pretty narrow stereotype considering I've seen women from as young as early twenties to late sixties come in and buy this book, so let me rephrase). So, there is this new book that has apparently taken the general female population by storm... but mainly suburban house wives. (better?) Fifty Shades of Grey by E.L. James. It is a realistic version of twilight for adults (makes you want to run right out and buy one this instant don't it?? haha). But instead of vampires you have a sadistic millionaire and the naive and innocent college graduate. Anyway, this book is in the romance genre. And under romance it is filed as erotica, which means it's a bit more intense than your average romance novel. And by a bit I mean- holy crap that's a riding crop. If you don't get it don't worry; it's probably better that way. My whole point for telling you this is two-fold.

a) If a woman is reading this book than I think her husband/significant other/boyfriend/girlfriend/whoever needs to take a hint and be a bit more adventurous/fun in whatever ways they deem necessary. Seriously.

b) (and the real reason I explained this all to you) here is my manager's and my conversation earlier today (paraphrased because I so do not have that kind of memory):

"Fifty shades is super popular. I can't believe so many people have already bought it in two days." -me

"Well, the public isn't exactly thirsting for real literature." -him

"There was a bidding war for the rites to make it into a movie too!" -me

"They're going to make it into a movie? I don't think that's possible." -him

"I do. It will just be porn." -me

We both laugh and a few seconds pass.

"Remind me I have to get something for my mom for her Birthday. What do you think I should get her?" -me

"I've heard Fifty Shades of Grey is good." -him

I just about died laughing. Anywho, I should probably finish packing. I've been postponing the inevitable. But first! I shall briefly go over a few things that have delighted me over the last few days- in no particular order.

1) Iced soy chai Lattes (light ice) from Starbucks- I'm officially addicted.

2) Listening to Pointless sing- I love them.

3) Getting my car washed- Sydney is now clean! Yay.

4) Dying my hair blue- by accident

5) Happy and thankful customers- they're so delightful.

6) Coffee/Tea time after Chapel- :)

7) Caffeine- definitely helped me through this week.

8) Easter break!!!- I get to see my family!!

And now things that have most definitely not delighted me:

1) Screaming children with screaming parents screaming in the kids section of my work

2) Realizing this play I'm in is being treated like a joke. It's like an after thought; if even that. I'm including myself in this; I'm mad at me too. But had I put as much effort as I should have I would be more than furious with everyone else. So at least now I'm equally upset with myself and everyone involved/not involved.

3) My current emotional status- literally reeking havoc on my mental state. geesh.

4) The fact I've let my place turn into a warzone.

5) Flight delays- stupid.

Alright, now because I'm not about to finish a blog on such a pathetic note I will throw in a few quick blurbs about what I'm super excited for:

1) Graduating!

2) Harry Potter Land/DisneyWorld/Cancun!!!!

3) Pointless Concert!

4) Seeing Cynthia!

5) Completely new adventures that come out of nowhere and hit you in the face with a frying pan even though it's been staring at you this entire time. Maybe... I'm hopeful. :D

Have a great Easter everyone!