i don't know what to feel...

... I wrote an entire blog... posted it... then perused my old blog posts... stopped around October 2009... realized I'm acting like a hopeful idiot and took down my newest blog. the end.

which is totally sad because my previous blog was so positive... I'll post it tomorrow... maybe. Or something. I need to focus on the words I haven't posted before I can share them with everyone. Because I would be nothing less than a hypocrite if I kept my blog as it was with what I'm feeling right now. Sorry if I'm being confusing. I'm just overly emotional. hah. Thanks for reading.

No wait, I'm not done. You want to know the real reason I'm freaking out? Because I'm scared. Completely scared. And in my other blog (the one I deleted) it touches on the fact I shouldn't be scared because if I let Jesus take the wheel- because now seems like the most obviously appropriate time to quote Carrie Underwood- then I'd be trusting in him that whatever happens will be for the best. And I know this is true. However, just because something is true doesn't make it any easier to believe. Like Harry Potter being completely over... It's the truth but it's incredibly hard to believe. I'm really on a roll with my pop culture references tonight. I'm sure I can throw in a Glee one before I stop all this word vomit. I'm sure you're thrilled.

My point is I'm terrified. I've gone out of my way not to feel like this over the last handful of years... And look at all the good that did. This, all these emotions that I'm being bombarded with, should be illegal. Like having Rachel and Finn actually get married ... Completely illegal. (told you I could do it). Alright, I think I'm done now. I mean obviously you're probably still confused, but if you're that worried text me. I always enjoy texts. and I'm sure it'll help at least a little. See? That was positive...