i don't know what to feel...

... I wrote an entire blog... posted it... then perused my old blog posts... stopped around October 2009... realized I'm acting like a hopeful idiot and took down my newest blog. the end.

which is totally sad because my previous blog was so positive... I'll post it tomorrow... maybe. Or something. I need to focus on the words I haven't posted before I can share them with everyone. Because I would be nothing less than a hypocrite if I kept my blog as it was with what I'm feeling right now. Sorry if I'm being confusing. I'm just overly emotional. hah. Thanks for reading.

No wait, I'm not done. You want to know the real reason I'm freaking out? Because I'm scared. Completely scared. And in my other blog (the one I deleted) it touches on the fact I shouldn't be scared because if I let Jesus take the wheel- because now seems like the most obviously appropriate time to quote Carrie Underwood- then I'd be trusting in him that whatever happens will be for the best. And I know this is true. However, just because something is true doesn't make it any easier to believe. Like Harry Potter being completely over... It's the truth but it's incredibly hard to believe. I'm really on a roll with my pop culture references tonight. I'm sure I can throw in a Glee one before I stop all this word vomit. I'm sure you're thrilled.

My point is I'm terrified. I've gone out of my way not to feel like this over the last handful of years... And look at all the good that did. This, all these emotions that I'm being bombarded with, should be illegal. Like having Rachel and Finn actually get married ... Completely illegal. (told you I could do it). Alright, I think I'm done now. I mean obviously you're probably still confused, but if you're that worried text me. I always enjoy texts. and I'm sure it'll help at least a little. See? That was positive...

Fifty shades of packing...

I love working at a bookstore. Books have always been a crucial part of my life and it absolutely rocks to be up to date with what's popular and new or old and classic. Either way it's the best. So, there is this new book that has apparently taken the stay-at-home-moms by storm (that was actually a pretty narrow stereotype considering I've seen women from as young as early twenties to late sixties come in and buy this book, so let me rephrase). So, there is this new book that has apparently taken the general female population by storm... but mainly suburban house wives. (better?) Fifty Shades of Grey by E.L. James. It is a realistic version of twilight for adults (makes you want to run right out and buy one this instant don't it?? haha). But instead of vampires you have a sadistic millionaire and the naive and innocent college graduate. Anyway, this book is in the romance genre. And under romance it is filed as erotica, which means it's a bit more intense than your average romance novel. And by a bit I mean- holy crap that's a riding crop. If you don't get it don't worry; it's probably better that way. My whole point for telling you this is two-fold.

a) If a woman is reading this book than I think her husband/significant other/boyfriend/girlfriend/whoever needs to take a hint and be a bit more adventurous/fun in whatever ways they deem necessary. Seriously.

b) (and the real reason I explained this all to you) here is my manager's and my conversation earlier today (paraphrased because I so do not have that kind of memory):

"Fifty shades is super popular. I can't believe so many people have already bought it in two days." -me

"Well, the public isn't exactly thirsting for real literature." -him

"There was a bidding war for the rites to make it into a movie too!" -me

"They're going to make it into a movie? I don't think that's possible." -him

"I do. It will just be porn." -me

We both laugh and a few seconds pass.

"Remind me I have to get something for my mom for her Birthday. What do you think I should get her?" -me

"I've heard Fifty Shades of Grey is good." -him

I just about died laughing. Anywho, I should probably finish packing. I've been postponing the inevitable. But first! I shall briefly go over a few things that have delighted me over the last few days- in no particular order.

1) Iced soy chai Lattes (light ice) from Starbucks- I'm officially addicted.

2) Listening to Pointless sing- I love them.

3) Getting my car washed- Sydney is now clean! Yay.

4) Dying my hair blue- by accident

5) Happy and thankful customers- they're so delightful.

6) Coffee/Tea time after Chapel- :)

7) Caffeine- definitely helped me through this week.

8) Easter break!!!- I get to see my family!!

And now things that have most definitely not delighted me:

1) Screaming children with screaming parents screaming in the kids section of my work

2) Realizing this play I'm in is being treated like a joke. It's like an after thought; if even that. I'm including myself in this; I'm mad at me too. But had I put as much effort as I should have I would be more than furious with everyone else. So at least now I'm equally upset with myself and everyone involved/not involved.

3) My current emotional status- literally reeking havoc on my mental state. geesh.

4) The fact I've let my place turn into a warzone.

5) Flight delays- stupid.

Alright, now because I'm not about to finish a blog on such a pathetic note I will throw in a few quick blurbs about what I'm super excited for:

1) Graduating!

2) Harry Potter Land/DisneyWorld/Cancun!!!!

3) Pointless Concert!

4) Seeing Cynthia!

5) Completely new adventures that come out of nowhere and hit you in the face with a frying pan even though it's been staring at you this entire time. Maybe... I'm hopeful. :D

Have a great Easter everyone!

Week 24

Sitting in chapel... Wishing I could drown myself in hot tea and cough syrup. Alas I am sick. Not deathly ill by any means but it's still uncomfortable and unfortunate. So listening to random students give speeches as to why I should vote for them (yes that's what 'chapel' is today) for student congress next year is the last thing on my to do list. I'm not even going to be here next year! I think my bitter mood is also due to the fact that our on campus wellness center is absolutely pointless. Every time I need to see the nurse she's conveniently not there. All year this has happened and apparently now we don't have a nurse at all. What are students paying for when they pay for the schools health insurance? Stupid school.

On a different less negative note (kind of): I read a new book. It was kind of awful which gives me hope because my feeling is if that book can get published I should be able to get published somewhere.... Lol. The plot was awesome, however the characters were lacking and I'm pretty sure I didn't laugh once. I found myself skipping paragraphs even! The book is called The Pledge written by ... I have no idea.. It's a teen book. Maybe one day I'll tackle actual adult books.

Well, those are my thoughts today. I'm still in chapel, still listening. I need soup.

Welcome, 2012.

First post of 2012! Oh Em Gee. (haha)

I guess I could make this post about new year's resolutions. Not exactly original but it's to be expected. However, I have yet to make any besides the normal 'lose weight'... which lets be honest, is on most people's list whether they need to or not. Got to love our society. With that said, it would be a very short blog post. So! I'm thinking about branding 2012 as the year of Firsts. Not that all the other years didn't have a load of firsts in them, but seeing as I spent my first day of the new year in a brand new apartment that I will be living in by myself for the first time ever... signifies a new era of 'firsts'. Not to mention I'll be graduating college, I'll be on stage as a lead, I'll have to try and get a job (a job using my degree?) without doing school at the same time, and I'll get engaged. BAHAHAHA sorry.. had to throw that last one in there just to see if you were paying attention. But this year is going to be up to me. I'll have to make decisions based on how they will effect me, compared to making choices based on others. Cause I tend to do that ya' know. My point is that even though I am quite petrified as to what's going to occur this year (I mean... how often do you graduate from college? eek) the responsibility to make things happen falls directly to me. Which should frighten me even more, but at the same time thrills me. I'm going to have to work on being more extroverted, on cleanliness, on organizational skills, on procrastination, on being honest. The list could go on and on. Even if I fail miserably I know I have friends and family who will be there for me when I'm weeping and eating a gallon of rocky road watching Tangled on repeat. And at the very least, I'm going to try. I guess in a way this blog was about new year's resolutions after all. Go figure.

Messy Epiphany.

I would say Happy Christmas Break... but seeing as I have a few more papers to write still I will refrain. Let's all be honest here... you can't be shocked that I procrastinated even to the point past finals can you? It's me were talking about. With that said, I should be working on the papers as I type this but, of course, I'm not... obviously. However, once I get these array of thoughts out of my mind I shall dive right into my literary masterpieces (hah).

Hopefully by now you know I work at Barnes and Nobles. If you didn't well now you do. Welcome. So one of my biggest pet peeves is when people do not put books back where they belong. Naturally. I mean, how hard is it really to put the book back where you found it? I'll tell you... it's not hard. I do it all day long. It's actually really quite simple. Especially when you are taking one book out at a time and then putting it back... But Charity, you might say, aren't you ranting about people who don't put back the books? You just said that person did!!! Let me clarify for you my good sir/ma'am. Putting a book on a shelf does not mean you put it back where it goes. Lying it flat on top of books is not putting it back. Walking ten feet while reading and then placing it among other books that look about the same size (but consequently are now in Spanish) is not putting it back. Book stores are alphabetized so you, the customer, can find books easily. There is no magical alphabetizing button we booksellers push to clean up people's messes. Nor is there a magical 'find this book' button. When the computer says we have a book, let's say it's The Great Gatsby, but we can't seem to find it because someone decided to hide it in Christian Inspiration that's a problem. Sure we'll find it eventually but it's pretty darn inconvenient for everyone in the meantime. There are also those people that take out five books at a time, sit down in a corner, read a few and then leave them there. Now this is annoying too, but at least it's plain to see and easy to rectify.

Now, I know I've just grumbled and complained for what seemed like forever, but there is a point to my pissy rant. Today I found a stack of books back in the children's section (that's one of the only places where we have a bench to sit on). Sure I was annoyed, but then I picked up the five books and each one of them was about what to do when you find out your spouse has cheated. I felt like I had been hit over the head with a skillet. During this whole time of cleaning other people's messes I never thought to pay attention to what I was cleaning up. Each pile of books is a little window into another person's life. It could show their interests, sacrifices, or personal hells. But every pile of books and magazines I find from now on will be a connection, however small, to someone who visited the store. I just thought this was a neat little epiphany and I wanted to share it with you all.

Jumping back into homework. Wish me luck. :)