A pocket full of Change.

 I find it simply fascinating that I can sit down and write an entire blog at least a page or two in length only to reread it and decide to erase it entirely.  I do this for a few reasons: sometimes the blog is just stupid/only consists of me whining/gossipping/complaining (which is synonymous with whining, I know)/having an emotional breakdown (which, let's be honest... blogs are not the place to have those... that's what friends are for) OR I feel like the worlds biggest prat.  For instance, this last blog I just erased... I felt like I was some British anthropologist discussing change and it's effect on me and my all grown up life... blah blah blah.  I was so boring!  

So here's to this blog in hopes that it's a hell of alot more interesting and quite frankly not a bunch of hoity toity balogna.  

Welcome, nice seeing you again.  Been awhile.  Roughly five weeks actually.  Last time I was here I was having a bit of an issue.  And of course I was being passive aggressive about it and trying to subtly hint at it without really saying what I meant-best communication skills ever.  Which for the record didn't work- at all- because they were pretty darn subtle and pretty awful hints.  So I had to grab life by the balls and make a decision and be assertive.  Which in the end worked out amazingly well.  

So let me rant a little about what's gone down in the past few weeks (and because I love lists... that is what you get): 

1) The issue that got settled was me telling the guy I liked that I liked him.  The whole thing is one funny story and maybe I'll share it with you one day... but that day is not today.  So, like I said above.  It worked out well, because we're dating now.  Exclusively.  Meaning he's my boyfriend (Hi Michael ^_^).  We've almost been together for a month now, which is kind of weird because it definitely feels like it was last week... lol.  But I am very happy about this.  Extremely happy actually.  And even though I'm going to miss him over the summer while he's away... I'm still happy.  :)  (Speaking of which, Michael, feel free to call/text me when you're done reading this... lol)  He's kind of  (no kind of, he just is) awesome and I'm super lucky and blessed he's decided to give me a chance. :D

2)  I finished my final play in Salomon Theatre at PLNU.  No Exit.  If you didn't see it... well you missed out for sure.  Mainly just because I think it was one of the most challenging roles ever.  I played an evil person... well she was a very selfish manipulative bitchy person at least.  Also, pause, how the show came together like it did I will never know.  I technically was barely off book the week before we ran it... and the dress rehearsal?  Yeah I skipped a full page or two of dialogue.  And yet... somehow.. it pulled together and we kicked some major butt.  So anyway... my character was evil.  And my mother (who saw it almost every night- thanks Mommy) said that one of the nights during the final scene where my costar picks up a knife a girl behind her started whispering 'stab her, stab her!' (the 'her' being me) And I just think that is one of the coolest things ever.  Which may sound odd.. but to know I played a character well enough to get an audience member wanting to stab me... well, I think I did pretty well indeed.  And it was just a whole lot of fun in the end. (the beginning and middle not so much though... haha).

3) I graduated?  Yeah, I graduated.  Technically I'm officially waiting on my Calculus grade before I can be completely gung-ho but as long as I get a D- or higher I am in the clear!!! I had so many people come down to support me and I can't thank each and everyone of them enough.  As awkward as I got sometimes with all the attention I still appreciated all the effort and time everyone took to make my graduation day a thousand, nay a billion, times better than my high school graduation.  I am so grateful to you all.  

4) I'm on a plane tomorrow flying to Orlando Florida with my Mom, Dad, and Daniel.  We're going to be hitting up DisneyWorld and Harry Potter Land (which is actually Universal Studios and AdventureLand but ever since Harry Potter Land opened.. That's really all I call it.  For obvious reasons).  And then we fly down to Cancun.  So.. lot's of sun.  Even more sunblock and all the pina coladas I can drink- within reason of course.  

5) Random things I want to touch on really quickly: 

     -Those of you who haven't heard.. I sprained my ankle two weeks-ish ago... now that you have heard... I'm doing much better.  It was a fun experience to say the least, but here comes another giant thank you to those special few of you who took extra good care of me in my gimp-like state.  You all know who you are (yes, that includes you Mom).  So Thank You!!!  

      -I've been trying to lose weight since the start of the semester... that's a lie.. I'm always trying to lose weight...since I can remember at least. haha. but this year I actually made a real effort... and it's paid off.  I've lost 18% of what I used to weigh.  I'm not down to my goal size just yet... but I'm not about to stop now.  So that's super exciting!!! 

      -I'm planning on staying in San Diego.  More information on that to follow considering it's sort of tentative... :D 

      -Pinterest is seriously one of my favorite websites ever.

      -The Avengers movie was bloody fantastic.

I'm sure I'm forgetting something, but I can't remember it for the life of me.  With that said: Thanks for reading and I'll catch you the next time around-which hopefully will be sooner than five weeks from now... but no promises.  ;) 

i don't know what to feel...

... I wrote an entire blog... posted it... then perused my old blog posts... stopped around October 2009... realized I'm acting like a hopeful idiot and took down my newest blog. the end.

which is totally sad because my previous blog was so positive... I'll post it tomorrow... maybe. Or something. I need to focus on the words I haven't posted before I can share them with everyone. Because I would be nothing less than a hypocrite if I kept my blog as it was with what I'm feeling right now. Sorry if I'm being confusing. I'm just overly emotional. hah. Thanks for reading.

No wait, I'm not done. You want to know the real reason I'm freaking out? Because I'm scared. Completely scared. And in my other blog (the one I deleted) it touches on the fact I shouldn't be scared because if I let Jesus take the wheel- because now seems like the most obviously appropriate time to quote Carrie Underwood- then I'd be trusting in him that whatever happens will be for the best. And I know this is true. However, just because something is true doesn't make it any easier to believe. Like Harry Potter being completely over... It's the truth but it's incredibly hard to believe. I'm really on a roll with my pop culture references tonight. I'm sure I can throw in a Glee one before I stop all this word vomit. I'm sure you're thrilled.

My point is I'm terrified. I've gone out of my way not to feel like this over the last handful of years... And look at all the good that did. This, all these emotions that I'm being bombarded with, should be illegal. Like having Rachel and Finn actually get married ... Completely illegal. (told you I could do it). Alright, I think I'm done now. I mean obviously you're probably still confused, but if you're that worried text me. I always enjoy texts. and I'm sure it'll help at least a little. See? That was positive...

Fifty shades of packing...

I love working at a bookstore. Books have always been a crucial part of my life and it absolutely rocks to be up to date with what's popular and new or old and classic. Either way it's the best. So, there is this new book that has apparently taken the stay-at-home-moms by storm (that was actually a pretty narrow stereotype considering I've seen women from as young as early twenties to late sixties come in and buy this book, so let me rephrase). So, there is this new book that has apparently taken the general female population by storm... but mainly suburban house wives. (better?) Fifty Shades of Grey by E.L. James. It is a realistic version of twilight for adults (makes you want to run right out and buy one this instant don't it?? haha). But instead of vampires you have a sadistic millionaire and the naive and innocent college graduate. Anyway, this book is in the romance genre. And under romance it is filed as erotica, which means it's a bit more intense than your average romance novel. And by a bit I mean- holy crap that's a riding crop. If you don't get it don't worry; it's probably better that way. My whole point for telling you this is two-fold.

a) If a woman is reading this book than I think her husband/significant other/boyfriend/girlfriend/whoever needs to take a hint and be a bit more adventurous/fun in whatever ways they deem necessary. Seriously.

b) (and the real reason I explained this all to you) here is my manager's and my conversation earlier today (paraphrased because I so do not have that kind of memory):

"Fifty shades is super popular. I can't believe so many people have already bought it in two days." -me

"Well, the public isn't exactly thirsting for real literature." -him

"There was a bidding war for the rites to make it into a movie too!" -me

"They're going to make it into a movie? I don't think that's possible." -him

"I do. It will just be porn." -me

We both laugh and a few seconds pass.

"Remind me I have to get something for my mom for her Birthday. What do you think I should get her?" -me

"I've heard Fifty Shades of Grey is good." -him

I just about died laughing. Anywho, I should probably finish packing. I've been postponing the inevitable. But first! I shall briefly go over a few things that have delighted me over the last few days- in no particular order.

1) Iced soy chai Lattes (light ice) from Starbucks- I'm officially addicted.

2) Listening to Pointless sing- I love them.

3) Getting my car washed- Sydney is now clean! Yay.

4) Dying my hair blue- by accident

5) Happy and thankful customers- they're so delightful.

6) Coffee/Tea time after Chapel- :)

7) Caffeine- definitely helped me through this week.

8) Easter break!!!- I get to see my family!!

And now things that have most definitely not delighted me:

1) Screaming children with screaming parents screaming in the kids section of my work

2) Realizing this play I'm in is being treated like a joke. It's like an after thought; if even that. I'm including myself in this; I'm mad at me too. But had I put as much effort as I should have I would be more than furious with everyone else. So at least now I'm equally upset with myself and everyone involved/not involved.

3) My current emotional status- literally reeking havoc on my mental state. geesh.

4) The fact I've let my place turn into a warzone.

5) Flight delays- stupid.

Alright, now because I'm not about to finish a blog on such a pathetic note I will throw in a few quick blurbs about what I'm super excited for:

1) Graduating!

2) Harry Potter Land/DisneyWorld/Cancun!!!!

3) Pointless Concert!

4) Seeing Cynthia!

5) Completely new adventures that come out of nowhere and hit you in the face with a frying pan even though it's been staring at you this entire time. Maybe... I'm hopeful. :D

Have a great Easter everyone!

Week 24

Sitting in chapel... Wishing I could drown myself in hot tea and cough syrup. Alas I am sick. Not deathly ill by any means but it's still uncomfortable and unfortunate. So listening to random students give speeches as to why I should vote for them (yes that's what 'chapel' is today) for student congress next year is the last thing on my to do list. I'm not even going to be here next year! I think my bitter mood is also due to the fact that our on campus wellness center is absolutely pointless. Every time I need to see the nurse she's conveniently not there. All year this has happened and apparently now we don't have a nurse at all. What are students paying for when they pay for the schools health insurance? Stupid school.

On a different less negative note (kind of): I read a new book. It was kind of awful which gives me hope because my feeling is if that book can get published I should be able to get published somewhere.... Lol. The plot was awesome, however the characters were lacking and I'm pretty sure I didn't laugh once. I found myself skipping paragraphs even! The book is called The Pledge written by ... I have no idea.. It's a teen book. Maybe one day I'll tackle actual adult books.

Well, those are my thoughts today. I'm still in chapel, still listening. I need soup.

Welcome, 2012.

First post of 2012! Oh Em Gee. (haha)

I guess I could make this post about new year's resolutions. Not exactly original but it's to be expected. However, I have yet to make any besides the normal 'lose weight'... which lets be honest, is on most people's list whether they need to or not. Got to love our society. With that said, it would be a very short blog post. So! I'm thinking about branding 2012 as the year of Firsts. Not that all the other years didn't have a load of firsts in them, but seeing as I spent my first day of the new year in a brand new apartment that I will be living in by myself for the first time ever... signifies a new era of 'firsts'. Not to mention I'll be graduating college, I'll be on stage as a lead, I'll have to try and get a job (a job using my degree?) without doing school at the same time, and I'll get engaged. BAHAHAHA sorry.. had to throw that last one in there just to see if you were paying attention. But this year is going to be up to me. I'll have to make decisions based on how they will effect me, compared to making choices based on others. Cause I tend to do that ya' know. My point is that even though I am quite petrified as to what's going to occur this year (I mean... how often do you graduate from college? eek) the responsibility to make things happen falls directly to me. Which should frighten me even more, but at the same time thrills me. I'm going to have to work on being more extroverted, on cleanliness, on organizational skills, on procrastination, on being honest. The list could go on and on. Even if I fail miserably I know I have friends and family who will be there for me when I'm weeping and eating a gallon of rocky road watching Tangled on repeat. And at the very least, I'm going to try. I guess in a way this blog was about new year's resolutions after all. Go figure.