Alphabet Soup

(612):

I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical

I am such a liar. That whole work out thing lasted two days. It's not like I don't have the drive. No No, I totally want to work out which is kind of weird, I just don't have the time. Which brings me to my next point: I have officially performed two shows!!! to two different audiences!!! Talk about a high. But a high that is totally legal. :D My mom even surprised me and showed up for Opening Night on Tuesday!!! Only one of the many reasons why I love my mom.

Now I have been filled with a mixture of emotions this past week, let me touch on a few of them:

a) annoyance- I know I am really busy, but I am happy. Doesn't that mean anything?

b) happiness- I can't even remember all the reasons I have smiled this week, but thank you just the same.

c) frustration- Do not blame me for the lack of audience members, I did my best. I have never done publicity before, and I really tried. I put it over sleep and school work multiple times.

d) hurt- Aren't you proud of me?

e) excitement- Show number 3 tonight... it can only get better!

f) pride- my co-parent in this show has inspired me in so many ways. she is amazing.

g) love- I love you.

h) guilt- Even though I am happy being involved in theatre, I still miss you and feel like I am failing as a friend. I don't want to fail you, but I don't know how to fix it.

i) infuriating- WHY MUST YOU BE SO MISLEADING!?!?!?! MAKE UP YOUR BLOODY MIND!!!

j) joy- Jesus.

k) nostalgia- I miss high school. which is probably why I want to teach, but just the same I wish I could be there for all my friends (and brother) who are still experiencing HS life.

l) shame- I don't show my appreciation for things people do for me.. and I don't know how to show how thankful I really am. I don't think a Thank You is really enough, because I don't deserve a majority of what you do.

m) confusion- I just don't know what to do about you anymore. I legitimately give up.

n-z) nervousness- Am I going to remember my lines? Will the audience laugh? Will I ever be cast again? Can I get through this without pissing every single one of my friends off? What's going to happen when this is all over?

Who doesn't love a good rant? But in conclusion, I am going to make a conscious effort to go to church every weekend. I will start working out again, and I am going to be proud of who I am no matter what I look like. and I hope you are proud of who you are!! :]

Awkward moment of the day: I walked into bible class and there were three students from the previous class waiting to talk to the professor. I usually ignore those stragglers and just find a seat, but today I hear, "I like your bow." (I have a red head band with a bow on it in my hair today) So I turn to the front and there is this guy smiling at me, and so I hesitantly reply, "Thank you?" And I definitely made it a question, not a statement. (because lets face it, I'm not used to guys complimenting me ever, for any reason) And before I could weigh his reaction to my obvious shock that he just complimented the bow in my hair, I turn back to make my way to my seat but on the way manage to knock into five different chairs and a table. It was really smooth on my part.