Confidence with a side of Mr. Darcy

I stand outside on my balcony glaring down at the party going on below.  Loud obnoxious I'm-not-too-sure-that's-even-real-Hawaiian music is playing in an attempt to set a beach type scene around the populated pool.  We live in sunny San Diego.  The beach is literally right outside our condo.  Why is there need for a luau inside our condo?  They look like they're having fun at least.  I can't say the same for me.  I should get up the courage and go down there.  I'd keep my comments about the music to myself of course, but maybe I'd make friends.  I can do with making some new friends.  I walk back inside and shut the door.  I'll check facebook first then I'll go down.

I never went down.

And yes.  I regret that decision.  I keep telling myself I'm 23 years old.  I'm an adult.  I can have real conversation with real people and make real friends outside of any school type setting.  It's a real possibility.  But then I begin to feel like I'm still only eighteen on the inside.  That's how I feel most of the time anyway.  Sure, I've graduated college and have a full time job with a position that actually gives me some authority and power (notice how I say 'some' haha).  But when it comes to experiencing life outside of work?  I'm still a scared adolescent.  I've refused to step out of my comfortable box and jump into the real world.  I'll watch a few of my more outgoing friends chat it up with complete strangers at restaurants or bars.  They'll flirt with waiters or whoever.  And then there's me.  Who seemingly forgets how to string a sentence of coherent words together when I face new people.
When I'm at work I'm fine.  I deal with new and random people every single day.  I don't forget how to speak and I'm mildly clever most of the time.  I've made the majority of my customers smile or laugh in the process of helping them out.  I know I have a killer personality (as self-absorbed as that may sound... I know it's true... and I'm pretty sure my family and friends will attest to it).  So why is it that I lock up this 'killer personality' when I'm out in public?  I come off as this shy quiet girl when I am anything but.  It's like my confidence disappears, or at the very least runs away to hide under a box in a corner.  Rude.  With all this said, I'm just adding it to the list of things I want to work on.  I need to be able to walk into a room with confidence!!  If people don't want to be be my friend or get to know me then that's their loss because I am a giant mess of awesome fun.  I just have to learn to give people an opportunity to make that choice.

In other news, I have found a new favorite song.  It's country.  Which I don't necessarily love, normally.  I have a few favorite artists like Carrie Underwood and Luke Bryan, but it's hardly the most played genre in my iTunes.  But my cousin, lovingly, shared this song with me only moments ago and I am now addicted.  It's absolutely beautiful and touching and just ugh... it is so stinking sweet.  Super great description I know, so here it is.  It's a lyric video.  A pretty awesome one at that.  But I am sure you can form your own opinions (enjoy):
Wanted by Hunter Hayes
So good right?  Just nod in agreement.  The chorus and ending bridge are my absolute favorite parts of the whole song.  You can totally listen to it again.  I give you permission.  I think I'm in a hopeless romantic phase/mood right now/lately.  First I watch Pride and Prejudice (the one with Kiera Knightley) at Lauren's house.  You may not find that odd... but I swear it was like we were watching it for the first time we were so into it.  Afterwards I felt super giddy and couldn't stop smiling.  Mr. Bingley? Swoon.  Mr. Darcy? Double Swoon.  It's just a great love story.  And now I'm listening to this song (seriously... I pushed play again).  I'll keep you updated on anymore hopelessly romantic symptoms I may exhibit.  It will be fun.  I assure you.  Especially as I try to exert more confidence into my daily life... All kinds of fun.