It's almost 4am

Remember that time when I was going to go the gym.

Yeah.

Me neither.

Maybe I'll go today.  That would be good.

Anyway... hello.  It's December, still feels more like early October here in Sunny San Diego.  Maybe that's the reason why my Christmas spirit OMG I FORGOT TO FEED DARCY.  okay... we're good.  Fed Darcy.  I think he hates me.  I don't usually forget to feed him though so I don't think that's a reason.  I don't clean his home that often... it could be that.  I should clean his home tomorrow.  And go to the gym.  I'm starting a list.  Awesome.

1) Gym
2) Clean Mr. Darcy's living quarters.

That's all for now... I'm sure I'll add more as this blog progresses.  So, like I was saying.  Christmas spirit and all that jazz.  Mine needs to kick into gear.  It's there, but not THERE you know?  I think I'm just stressed is all, what with needing to buy presents, decorating, dealing with travel issues (and boy have there been a handful), emotional melt-downs, etc.  It's fun.  The holidays.

3) Buy my Mom's gift.
4) Clean?  Tidy up?  Something?
5) Do a Target/Vons run- get ribbon and bath wash (Because the bath wash I have right now is gross.  I mean it does it's job... and it smells fine enough... but it's gooey and goopy.  And we all know how I feel about the consistency of things.  It's why I won't eat yogurt.  Not that I eat my bath wash... but you get the point.  I hope).

So the other night I was a tad emotional.  By 'a tad' we all know I mean I was being absolutely ridiculous.  Michael was a trooper and helped my through the first bout.  And then Lauren helped with the second.  I realized something that night that I've now been wondering about.  I don't know about other people... but I for one HATE crying in front of people that aren't my mother.  Seriously... I can weep in my mom's arms like I have no pride or dignity what so ever... but if it's anyone else I feel like an absolute foolish baby child.  So then, when I keep it in... and don't cry in front of people... or at the very least try to keep it to a minimum... I find myself sobbing in my car by myself wishing I wasn't completely and utterly alone.  That someone was holding me.  Which doesn't make sense... because as I just said... I don't enjoy crying in front of people and it's not something I'm proud of.  Yet there I was crying like a baby wishing I could be hugged.  But I won't let anyone be near me as I cry.  It is a conundrum of the highest order.  And I do not like it.
I'd like to let you all know that after crying an obnoxious amount of tears I felt much better.  I don't know exactly how that works... because I wasn't even crying for a particular reason... I just was.  Crying that is.  And when I was all done...  I ate candy and fell asleep just fine.  No more overwhelming sadness.  I was good.  So again, I don't know if it's just a 'me' thing... and I'm crazy... or if it's a girl thing and we're all crazy... or if everyone feels this at some point.... so all of us are normal because we're all crazy.
I don't know if any of that made a lick of sense, but oh well.  Point is I'm okay now.  All the crying just got me thinking is all.

6) Stop leaving important things in my car.

Speaking of Sydney.  My driver's side window no longer works.  At all.  Something Michael can attest to first hand as he watched me struggle at Starbucks and then later at Santana's.  I think it made his night, whether he'll admit that I don't know... but he sure found it amusing.  Which is good... I think Sydney knows finals are this week and is just trying to help.  She'll go back to working next week.  I like to think that's how my car works at least.  As delusional as that may be.

7) Go to Alumni office.
8) Finalize loan stuff.
9) Prioritize this list from most likely to accomplish to least likely to accomplish
10) Go to bed - this is totally going at the top of my 'prioritized' list

A new book in a series I've fallen in love with came out today.  I started reading it already... so far it's awesome.  I'm sure I'll read even more of it later today... when I wake up.  I'd add it to the list... but the list is for things that I need to actually remind myself to do.  I never have to remind myself to read silly.

11) Write a review blog for Divergent

And now I think I shall leave you.  I know this wasn't the most thought provoking and mind bending blog you've read recently, but it's a little snippet into my brain... and that's always a fun adventure.  So hopefully I was able to get you to smile at least once.  And remember, as stressed out as you may feel/get over Christmas, school, job, friends, or even family, God Loves You.  (He loves me too)  It's awesome.

OH ps. This is totally vain of me after mentioning how much God loves you and everything, but I'm also debating on dying my hair. Nothing exotic. Just a darker brown? Like chocolate. Or coffee. Just a thought. Haven't officially decided. Though I'll admit... I'm spontaneous enough that I was debating buying the hair dye and doing it today. I'm not going to do that... But I was sorely tempted.

Let's catch up: A List (kinda)

Why hello.  I know, I know.  It's been awhile.  Sorry.

Let me get you caught up on my life.

I still work at Bookstar.

Dementor is gone.

Umbridge is not.

And now we have Filch...

And someone else who I have yet to figure out a name for.  We shall see... I'm on the fence. I'm leaning more towards Draco... but the jury is still out.

(Also... if this is any indication as to how work is going... I actually miss Dementor.  Yeah... I said it.  I miss him.  It's that bad)

I still have the best family in the whole world. I miss them often.  And by often I mean all the time.

I'm head over heels for Michael, the boyfriend.  Same one.  Hasn't changed.  He's the best.  His phone is not.  I want to tie it to a brick and toss it in the ocean.

Lauren and I are closer than ever, and I love her with all my little heart.  She has purple hair and kicks so much butt it's ridiculous.

I directed a musical.  Edges.  It was pretty epic I think.  Sorry if you missed it.

I was in a play at Salomon (yes, I graduated... it was as a favor.  I played a man.  I had a mustache and goatee.  It was hot.  kidding.  It was more hilarious than anything).  Less sorry if you missed it.

I'm 24 now.

Speaking of my birthday... I'm going to take the time and space in this post to thank absolutely everyone who helped make this birthday beyond awesome (I'm not literally going to write out every persons name... that would be alot of names).  But this includes all the people who thanked me via facebook, text message, phone calls, etc.  It means the world to me.  I don't care if it was the day of, a few hours before, or a few days later.  I am thankful just the same.  :D

I am still deciding what in the world I want to do with my life.  Yeah... I graduated college.  I won't belittle it.  It's a huge feat and I rocked it.  But, what do I do now?  It's not like I want to work at a bookstore for the rest of my life.  And definitely not here in San Diego where I pay an arm, leg, and part of my soul for rent and gas.  It worked out well... me getting my promotion to full time when I did. And I am beyond grateful.  I would have always wondered 'what if' had I had to move back to Vegas.  Anyway, point is I still don't know what I want to necessarily do with my future but I'm open to suggestions.

I've been able to keep my weight off!  I kind of stopped going to the gym for the last few months so I haven't lost any more weight, but at the very least I'm maintaining it!  Which is something I've never exactly done before.  I'll be starting back up with the gym tomorrow though.  It's on like donkey kong.

Christmas is coming up and I'm super stoked.  I've already decorated the majority of my place.  I need to clean my place so people can come over and see it!!  This should happen sometime this week.  Maybe Thursday... but don't quote me on it. ;)

So... this blog has been rather cheerful I think.  And it shall remain so because I'm not about to bring down the doom and gloom or anything... however, there will be a blog coming up about change, feelings, and whatever 'heavy' topics I deem necessary. hah.  Look out for that one... it'll be tons'o'fun.
But I shall leave you with the reassurance that I'll actually blog more than once every four months.  I'm also starting a new blog with my cousin, Tabitha.  We're going to review all the books we read!  That may not sound that exciting... but I assure you, it'll be awesome.  Here's our introduction: YAY! Click the link.  Do it! Do it and I'll get my first review out by Friday!!! I like this plan.

A little dose of Sarcasm.

Some facts about your local Bookstore that you may not know.
- they are actually a library. No need to purchase anything.
- the employees get paid handsomely to pick up after every single customer- So feel free to leave your books lying haphazardly around the store. Putting away unwanted items where you got them is unnecessary and makes them feel unappreciated.
- removing product from displays in order to have a flat surface to sit on is encouraged as long as you stack said product in a pile next to where you originally found it.
- you are invited to complain to any and all booksellers about your disappointment in the way the store is set up and the lack of product. Seeing as they can move the bays, have an exorbitant amount of extra space and have control over every title that is received they will be able to immediately correct all that you deem unsatisfactory.
- be sure to explain why you are making your purchase to the cashier. For example: that although the first book is a tad dark, the last two books in the fifty shades of grey series are, in fact, all about the deep relationships between the characters more so then then sex that occurs on literally every other page.
- do not smile. It frightens the booksellers.

:) You're very welcome.

Shut the front door.

Today is one of those days I wish I could cuss openly on this blog of mine. I don't because the majority of my friends and family have issues with cursing. It's vulgar, unladylike, rude, distasteful blah blah blah etc etc etc. but sometimes there are literally no other words to explain the mounting frustrations and unending emotions I'm being plagued with. I don't want to aim it at anyone... And it's not even for anyone in particular (that's kind of a lie... Kind of).... It's just that cathartic feeling of typing a taboo word in all caps for everyone to see ... It's that same desire as getting into my car... Rolling down the windows and speeding down the highway as fast as I dare. And technically that's wayyy more reckless than a stupid word... But whatever. I get it, and I respect my family and friends enough not to do it. But boy do I want to.
Also, I appreciate your patience on days like these where I may or may not rip your head off while simultaneously sobbing and laughing...
AND I need a hug
AND something to get my mind off work... Something I've been wanting to do for a very long time. Here's hoping.

Positoovity

These are the best.

Viola: No man... if you wanna kiss her... You go right ahead and you kiss her! I mean, knock your self out! You just take her... then kiss her. Then kiss the crap out of her! 
-She's the Man-

Hercules: Aren't you... a damsel in distress? 
Meg: I'm a damsel, I'm in distress, I can handle this. Have a nice day. 
-Hercules-

Tantor: Are you sure this water's sanitary?  It looks questionable to me!
Tantor's Mom: It's fine hunny.
Tantor: But Mom! What about Bacteria?
-Tarzan-

Yzma: Ah, how shall I do it? Oh, I know. I'll turn him into a flea, a harmless, little flea, and then I'll put that flea in a box, and then I'll put that box inside of another box, and then I'll mail that box to myself, and when it arrives Muahahahahahaha! I'll smash it with a hammer!
-Emperor's New Groove-

Baroness Rodmilla De Ghent: Darling, nothing is final 'til you're dead, and even then, I'm sure God negotiates.
-Ever After-

 I felt that my last few blog posts have been rather, how shall I put this, on the spitefully bitter side.  So in an effort to shake things up a bit I am going to try and be more positive in these musings.  Hence the funny and lovely quotes from some of my all time favorite movies to get the ball rolling.  Don't get me wrong... my life hasn't suddenly turned into rainbows and butterflies.  I still deal with the Dementor and now Umbridge... and Umbridge's cousin, we'll call her Milfred, on a daily basis.  I'm going to have to deal with the huge hole graduating has left in my soul once school starts up in a week.  I'm having issues sleeping.  And I'm still working on keeping my emotions in check because they're bloody ridiculous and stupid.  BUT in spite of all those things I am still focusing on the positives! Go me. 

Positive 1)  I'm back into my gym routine.  It's only been two weeks consecutively... but I'm fairly certain I'm making it a lasting habit this time.  I walk about three miles daily.  Some faster than others depending on my mood and which movie they're showing in the work out theatre (it really is the coolest part of the whole gym.  Giant movie screen in a dark room with workout equipment.  It's a little slice of heaven for movie buffs such as myself.  Not to mention I feel less self-conscious running in the dark.  Less wobbly bits to be seen).  Though I am proud of my progress... the other day a guy gets on next to me.. and busts out a 6 minute mile.  He's running at 9 mph like it's a jaunt through the park.  And all I could think was... that guy would be able to survive a zombie apocalypse.  I would not.

Positive 2)  I bought new shoes.  Which may seem unimportant.. however, they were on sale.  Originally $30.  I paid $9.  They're not exactly practical and I can't wear them to work, but they're very pretty.  Black patten leather pumps.  I like things on sale.  Of course then I went and bought a skirt that wasn't on sale... but I CAN wear it to work.  Yay!  This was at Target.  I went in to buy a windshield wiper.  

Positive 3)  I have to clean the entirety of my apartment Wednesday.  You may be wondering how this is a positive.  Well, first of all, while I am cleaning I get to listen to an audio book my coworker is letting me borrow.  It's the sequel to this amazing book called A Discovery of Witches by Deborah Harkness.  I never mentioned reading it on here because it was during a stint when I read about 6 books in two weeks.  I was obsessed.  So now I get to clean while being entertained.  Secondly, it means people are visiting!!! My Nana and Papa are coming over this weekend.  I haven't seen them since graduation!  Yay for free food and not coming home to an empty lonely desolate house (I really need to buy a fish).

Positive 4)  School's starting again.  Why do I care about something I no longer pay a bazillion dollars to attend? Because Michael is coming back!!! Yay.  I get to see him this Wednesday night (that's tomorrow... ahhh).  Sure, it'll be helping him unpack his life into a tiny room on campus, but I get to actually spend time with my boyfriend.  It's quite exciting.  That's not sarcasm.  I'm for real excited.  (It also means Pointless is back.  And let's be honest... I missed them.  Beautiful music is so in my future.  I just hope they find some quality guys to replace the ones they lost this last year... fingers crossed.)  

Positive 5)  I'M GOING TO DISNEYLAND WITH MY MOM IN TWO WEEKS. enough said.

Positive 6)  I have some of the BEST best friends in the whole world.  They know why they're amazingly awesome... but I'll share a few reasons with you.  They help me make complex wardrobe decisions.  They listen to me spew out enough word vomit to fill an NFL stadium.  They're honest with me.  They let me know when they're proud of me and give me words of encouragement and/or compliments.  They don't put up with my self-sabotaging BS.  They ask for and care about my opinion.  They trust me.  And most of all they love me for me.  I am beyond blessed.  Thank you.


I think that's enough positivity for one day.  I'm exhausted.  Until next time... you have one positive day!