Wait... I was a blogger? Let’s try this again!

I may or may not have completely forgotten that I actually wrote more than a few times on this Blog- like over 200 something times apparently? 

Yikes a bee.

Anywho let’s dive right into what really matters.

I’ve decided to read a new book- not earth shattering news- but here’s the rub. I just don’t really have the time?

How is that possible since we’ve been shelter-in-place/quarantined for over a month you may ask! Well I (gratefully mind you) still go into work for 40 hours a week, plus do my part time job on the side while packing up a house AND participating in two book clubs- so there you go. No time. 

BUT with the announcement of Midnight Sun by Stephenie Meyer coming out in August my desire for angsty vampire YA novels suddenly resurfaced. AND this book literally looks like a Twilight knock off... so, glutton for punishment, I dived in. 

Crave by Tracy Wolff.

532 pages- WHY?! 

I’ve almost completed chapter 6. 

Here are my thoughts thus far- 

Main character is Grace. The only real thing about her is her grief- both parents died a month ago and she’s dealing with a ton of emotions- losing them and then flying off to live with her uncle who is a ‘headmaster’ at a school in Alaska. 

Yes, you read correctly- a headmaster. In Alaska.

We meet Jaxon almost immediately- he invades her personal space - makes her feel uncomfortable - is very unwelcoming BUT she sees some haunted sadness inside him that she just KNOWS he doesn’t show anyone and can empathize with his overwhelming grief. I mean this is a literal excerpt, “We stand there frozen. Devastated. Connected in a way I can feel but can’t comprehend by our very separate horrors.” That’s just after she touches the scar on his face. AFTER THEY JUST MET. Who touches someone’s face 5 minutes into meeting them?!? 

Oh, and he’s ultra god-like hot and the most popular dude at this school. Of course. 

So blah blah we meet characters that might matter but obviously aren’t that important. She somehow ‘knows’ not to mention her run in with Jaxon to her HEADMASTER uncle. She then rooms with her cousin and she’s off to sleep.

WHEN SUDDENLY. She wakes up at 3am. And decides to take a walk around the castle (again, yes, that’s not a typo. A castle. In Alaska). Probably to do some other stuff too but I’m majorly skipping paragraphs at this point. She’s down at the entrance when two guys come in from outside. 

It’s 10 below and they’re wearing nothing but ripped jeans (oh yeah- all the males wear ripped jeans at this school, can’t forget to mention that) and a T-shirt. 

They threaten her, tell her she’s not wanted here blah blah, and then grab her to throw her outside to see how she’ll do in the cold. 

So Jaxon shows up (Duh). Saves the day. Talks down to the guys (who blame their hostility on the moon - werewolves much?) and makes them apologize to Grace. 

And now I’m sure we’re in for an epic jousting match of angst and pent up sexual desire between Jaxon and Grace. 

Let’s see what happens!

 (Pause blog to read more chapters)

Her boi has literally- in a blink of an eye- disappeared on her twice now and she’s not even REMOTELY thinking something fantastical is going on? AND he totally wiped blood off of her lip and licked it. Because that’s NORMAL! I’m getting annoyed now. Either he’s a psychopath or a vampire- yet she hasn’t mentioned either possibility. 

Oh good. There’s a party her first evening at the school.... a frickin party.... a ‘welcome to Alaska-school-for-obvious-paranormal-beings-but-not-so-obvious-that-the-new-girl-will-notice’ party! 

IT’S USUALLY A HIGH TEA for school unity?!? I mean- it’s Alaska? Does this author know where Alaska is? 

Okay- that’s enough for my first time back in a hell of a long time. But I’m obviously going to continue to read this not so great book and share ALL my thoughts. Stay tuned! Spoilers are definitely ahead. 

Curvy Options? Puh-lease.

Today I went shopping.  Nothing extraordinary considering it's Christmas in less than a week and it would seem everyone and their mother is shopping.  So why bring it up?
Well, as much as I like to pretend all the shopping I do is for other people I totally shop for myself when I'm out and about.  One item for them - one item for me. It's super rewarding.
This evening was much like any other shopping endeavor.

**But first, I must preface this story with, I haven't really really gone shopping in a very long time.  I buy stuff online and from Barnes & Noble. If I've been into a mall it was to buy LUSH product. I've been buying the majority of my clothes online from LuLaRoe.  I haven't had the need or desire to go into a place like Forever 21 in probably a full year.  Gaining all the weight back that you lost for your wedding can do that to a person.**

After spending well earned money on everyone else, a sign caught my eye.  Charlotte Russe now has a 'curvy' offering in their clothing line.  For anyone over the size of 10... that's kind of a big deal because well, they don't really do large sizes.  Of course I must go in and check it out.  I'm extra curvy again (curvy is the nice way to call someone fat by the way... like skinny people don't have curves. But whatever. My life decisions led me to this and I deal with it).  As I enter I pass this wall of cute adorable sexy sparkly tops.  I go a little farther and pass other cute 'night' tops as they call them.  Finally, I reach the giant sign that essentially says "Curvy area".

I honestly assumed that this larger size offering would mean they make their small cute clothes in a 'plus' size to encompass more women.  What I walked into... was a disco ball mess of options. Out of the handful of dresses, rompers, and pantsuits (barely any separates) - 85% were COVERED in something reflective.  Being large means I'm more round, and from personal experience when you place silver shinny crap on a dress and throw it on a fat woman... she turns into a living breathing disco ball. And that... is not an attractive thing.  And then... if it wasn't sequenced to hell and back... they added a peplum! Which is just more fabric around the hip/waist area... accentuating all those 'curves' we have.  I honestly wish I had tried on a few just to see how embarrassingly bad they all were.

I ran across the same thing at Forever 21.  They've had their 'plus size' options for awhile... but the pieces are still lame.  I'd love to see what an attractive skinny girl would think if she only had plus sized styles to choose from.

I bring all this up, because I think it is simply ridiculous that somehow fat girls can't wear the same clothes as skinny ones. I'm not talking bikini's and hot pants... though... if a girl has the kind of confidence to wear that then good for them!  But seriously... being over weight does not mean we need to wear ugly clothes.  We're already deemed less attractive for not being skinny... so why the heck can't we get cuter clothes?  It's a huge part of the reason I jumped on the LuLaRoe bandwagon.  I find that I can wear every style they offer... and I love their patterns... the fabrics can change the sizing a little bit, but still... I can wear the exact same dress that my cute petite cousin can!

There was that whole issue regarding Leslie Jones and how she had a difficult time getting a popular designer to create a gown for her because of her size and then Tim Gunn's article about the lack attention to plus size fashion- it would seem that being anything bigger than a size 12 makes you inferior.  I used to be a size 12... back then I fit into 'skinny' clothes and I truly didn't think there was a problem... that bigger girls totally have choices... but I was wrong.  I'm 'fat' again... and because of this...fashion isn't something I get to partake in anymore.

This may seem very trivial in the grand scheme of things with what's going on in the world... but if the Kardashians can keep putting out trash books every single bloody year and no one says boo to them... then I can take the time to voice my grievances about plus size fashion.

Thanks for reading. And if you're interested in really cute clothes no matter what your size... feel free to message me... Lularoe will make you smile, I guarantee it.


Oh... and because I'm a HUGE fan of visual aids... here, let me show you some of the lovely options available to us plus size ladies from Charlotte Russe. And remember... the ladies in the pictures are models... and are probably on the lower end of the fat spectrum/photo-shopped.

A Timed Endeavor.

I have 17 minutes to write this before I have to get ready for work... and even that's pushing it.  So let's see what kind of fun nonsense I can get out before then.

I registered to vote.  Because I know my vote matters.  However... voting in this election makes me want to vomit.  A customer and I chatted about how we're told to pick the lesser of too evils.  And I'm like... why do we have to choose between any evils? How did it even come to this?!?! Some might argue it's people like me who weren't registered to vote and didn't do so for the primaries... but I might argue it's the very people that voted in the primaries that got all their priorities in a bunch.  That aside... I tried understanding how some people's votes weigh more than others... that doesn't seem very equal or fair to me... does it to you?  We all need to take another government class.  The last one I took was in my senior year of high school- I forgotten most of it.  Point is... I'm really and completely baffled by all this.

Now I have 9 minutes.

I lost a crap ton of weight for my wedding over a year and almost a half ago.  I have since then gained all of it back and then some.  To say that it's a depressing thing is an understatement.  AND the worst part of it all... is that when I look back at those pictures and I think I look pretty extra amazing... I remember thinking that when I was that size... I simply wasn't skinny enough.  How sad is that?  To remember thinking that at your skinniest you're still not skinny enough... and now I'd kill to be that skinny.  (Well not literally kill... I'd kill a donut or two - obviously)  I think I've finally found motivation again though... so let's see if I can lose all the weight again.  Baha.

5 minutes and counting.

I will attempt to blog more? That's about all I've got at this point.  I feel like I need the last few minutes to think of a clever title.  Or at least a less than dull title.  Who knows what I will pick!  Well, you will because you'll already have read it.  At this point I'm babbling.  Next time I post it's going to be about Harry Potter and the Cursed Child.  I'm going to re-read it and we're going to hash it out.  So be excited about that!

Now it's work time. woot. woot.

Why the Twilight gender swapping book was lame sauce-Shocking, I know.

I finally finished reading Life and Death: a gender-swapping Twilight retelling.  I also acknowledge that where as I can usually finish a book in less than two days (three or four on an off week) this particular one took me almost a full month.  Sure, I can blame some of it on my work. I rarely do much outside the realm of work- and if I do get some down time I am the most non-productive human being on the planet. Ask my friends… they rarely hear from me. It’s sad really. Back to the point: like I said, I can admit when I am partially to blame, but the rest falls to the book itself- more importantly the characters.  

The main character to be precise: Beaufort Swan. Or Beaumont Swan. I don’t care enough to pick up the book and clarify. (All the character name swaps were just as awful, but who's really that surprised. She named Bella's child Renesmee. I mean come on.) He was absolutely and completely boring.  One can argue that Bella was too, but as a 16 year old ten years ago I could empathize with her insignificance.  I will also say that Bella at least had some snark to her. Some kind of sassy something. Beau however was nothing but this dull guy who I could not fathom why anyone let alone a gorgeous, talented-at-everything, almost perfect, girl vampire would even kind-of want. Seriously though, he was boring with a side of snooze-fest.  Meyer did not do him any justices. He used the word beautiful to describe Edythe more times than I care to remember.  Beau couldn’t string together a creative metaphor to save his life. He was contrived and, again, plain ole boring.

I really could go on with the annoyances I had with this book, but the more I realize how annoyed I am I begin to wonder why I wasn’t as annoyed with Twilight.  Bella was probably just as boring and ridiculous, and yet it didn’t bother me all those years ago. I think when it comes down to it, as a girl I was able to want to be Bella- a less than amazing girl who captures the heart of this gorgeously dangerous mythical being.  I’m sure a handful of girls my age desired that kind of connection with someone 'dark and mysterious' and/or ‘out of their league.’ They rooted for Bella.  She deserved some gorgeous guy to worship the ground she walked on darn it! But now that Beau is the lame human and Edythe is the vampire I kept wondering why in the WORLD would she settle for a guy like that.  I couldn’t empathize with Beau.  Because he’s the character I’m supposed to want.  As someone who has had crushes on boys her whole life, Beau was my intended target for the fictional character crush. However that did not happen, obviously.   I’d like to read about a guy that doesn’t remind me of parchment paper.  It comes down to this: if I had been Edythe I totally would have killed Beau in Biology class.  Just saying.

Hope this was incredibly insightful for you all.  I think I’m going to read Harry Potter now.   Have a Happy Halloween!

Musings

I miss writing. I miss it more than I really let myself comprehend. And yet, I'm the only one who has prevented myself from writing. It's similar to my exercise habits. Or lack thereof. I know I should and I need to, and in all honesty I truly like exercising.  The feeling of accomplishment after a good workout is absolutely phenomenal. So then, why don't I do it?
I can probably attribute most of the reason to laziness.  Simply put- the desire to be completely unproductive. I don't like this anymore than I like stubbing my toe- or giving discounts to rude people- or cleaning up after other people's messy children. I have no real reason not to write and not to get up and be active. None. So, maybe this is a very small baby step into getting back out there. I have plenty to write about, that's for sure.  Let's see how this goes.

This will be my Step 1.
My introduction back into the blogging society.
Hello. My name is Charity. And this is a blog about nothing important yet nothing unimportant.
Just my musings.

First big musing: Life can be a tricky little booger.
Humans have such a range of emotions, opinions, beliefs etc. We can be completely compassionate one moment and take out our vengeance the next.  Our ability to hurt others is unimaginable and yet our abilities to help others in need, others we don't even know, is unsurpassable. We feel great loss. We feel great joy. We are unique. And then in the midst of all these very polar opposites we have monotony.  The boring day to day drudge that is life.
Talk about confusing. So what's a girl to do?
Listen to worship music. That is what I have chosen to do. If you're new to this blog, I have been a Christian since I was little. Have I been a good Christian? Not necessarily. Recently one of my coworkers seemed surprised when I told her I was a Christian. She said, "I didn't see you as one." And of course she didn't mean it in a bad way, in fact she made it very clear that most of the Christians she knows try to beat her over the head with the Bible. Obviously... not what Jesus would do and I apologized for them. But it also made me think, I'm not a true representative of Christ if people don't know why I am nice and (on most days) even tempered. I want God's light to shine through me.  I want to love on people just because Jesus loves them- not for personal gain and certainly not to lift me up any.
I've also been trying to pray more, lose my temper less, and in general, not talk crap about people when I'm upset. Now, I still fail a ton of the time. But I'm not going to give up. I'm going to continue trying to be a supportive and loving wife, loyal and honest worker, obedient and respectful daughter, and overall decent human being. If any of this can help circumvent the headaches of trying to understand why humans are the way they are and why life is the way it is, then I will be a better person for that.

Wow, okay... good talk I think! Maybe I'll surprise you with musing number two tomorrow... or maybe just a general thought or two. Who knows. We shall see. dun. dun. dun.

PS Don't judge, but I totally plan on reading the re-imagining of Twilight called Life and Death. I'll let you know how it goes. hehe.