Night Time Fun

I have decided that talking at night time on skype is probably one of the funnest things ever.. followed very closely by talking on aim.  But i will admit that when i get into these late hours i get a tad wacky and my comprehension level goes down to about a 2.. well if comprehension levels were on a scale of 1 to 100.. yes.. definitely a 2.. and i find my brain thinking in complete sentences but my hands only type like every other word.. so i have to reread what i type otherwise i might send something like have ever thought how pink pygmies water? and for that matter what are pink pygmies.. okay seriously though i need to stop writing.. 

but on a more logical note i am starting a new blog.. a suggestion made by a good friend of mine. hello Michael.. that only consists of an unedited raw story.. though raw i find to be kind of a gross word so maybe just uncut? instead of raw. but anyways.. it will just be a story blog.. so hopefully i can think of a story that will be good enough to blog about.. but in the meantime i am going to get some sleep. because tomorrow (or later today really) i am going to be packing back up for college!! i repeat, i am a junior. :D embrace it.. i have. lol.

When it comes to feelings...

You ever write an entire blog, then re-read it and decide nope, not going to post it? Because I am pretty sure I do that all the time. Which defeats the purpose of a blog that is supposed to inhabit my true feelings. I guess I could sum up the blog I erased really quickly:

Being a girl kinda sucks. Emotional mood swings suck. Today is beginning to suck. My brain feels like scrabble. And I suck at scrabble.

That was pretty much the gist of it. I think I deleted it because it made me even more sad. Though I do not know why I am sad in the first place. I was happy yesterday, as my blog from yesterday proves. But I am not happy right now. I don't know what I am exactly. Frustrated maybe. Let down. Perhaps angry at myself for a multitude of reasons. I don't want to focus on all that though. I am not going to let this (whatever "this" is) upset me anymore. Hence change of subject:

I saw Julie & Julia today. It was pretty incredible. Meryl Streep was fantastic. Amy Adams was adorable. And it made me want to cook. And I don't cook. Well besides the usual mac & cheese or some type of pasta. (I heart carbs... hah like you all didn't know this by looking at me.) But I have to be able to, my brother is good at it and so is my mom. I have to have some sort of good cooking genes right? I think it is probable. My brother disagrees with me. I stick my tongue out at my brother :p

I feel better now. And I want to write. I would continue on to tell you all about the books I have read this summer. (eleven total so far) But I think I will save that for another blog for another day.

the end of summmerrr

summer is almost over. and i can honestly say i dont think ive ever had a less productive one.  Not to say it wasnt fun.  it was great fun.  i dont think ive ever been so lazy.  but i am beyond excited to go back to school. not just because i miss all my friends and even some of the teachers but because i miss classes!!! i miss being involved and busy!!! i dont miss papers.. i never miss papers.. but thats about the only thing i dont miss.. oh and chapels.. never been a big fan of chapels. haha.  

and this year i am an upper classWOman!!!!  talk about yikes! im sure ill feel no different then last year, but its cool just the same.  i dont know why i am in such a good mood right now.. but i could practically skip.  and maybe do a little jig.  well that was my update.  catch-ya laterz! haha yeah right.. me a junior in college.. its laughable.  

new post about nothing important

So i have a confession..  

i write fanfiction.  i read fanfiction. it's pretty much an addiction.

i am not entirely proud of it, however it does help me improve my writing.

and there is the little fact that i LOVE it.  but you know, besides that.

if you ever get bored? and wanna read a little Harry Potter spin-off go to www.fanfiction.com username: thebestkindofcharity

yeah i know, it's witty.

or www.quizilla.com 

username: winterfresh18

yeah i know, not as witty.  what can i say? five years ago when i signed up for that account i loved gum.

anyway if you ever do read these stories don't judge me too harshly, its a weakness and i simply can't seem to stop.

but it makes me happy.  and that my friends is what counts.

and furthermore i have just survived my first blackout.  i was kind of petrified, and lit every candle i own, but in the end i am alive and well with the power fully restored.  yeehaw.  so now i can go to sleep.  (i cant sleep by myself in the darkness.. it kind of scares the living crap out of me.. not to mention i have these dolls in my room that i swear are plotting to kill me.  but only in the dark.. hence why i like light.  its a very long and thought out scheme im telling you)  until next time... always keep matches near by.

Truth with a side of realization

i lie.  i lie a lot.  i don't know why.  well that's a lie right there.. i really think it is because if i told the truth i would be alone.  but now I'm thinking that is better then having fake friends and fake relationships.  but the question is how does a girl like me who made lying apart of her daily life break the habit, and start telling the truth?

it doesn't help when my friends ask me to lie for them.  it doesn't help when i can barely look in the mirror and face the truth that is staring back at me.  it doesn't help that i have so much hidden inside me i could burst from the pressure.  

i feel like i am living so many different lives.  and i don't know which one i really belong to.  if any of them for that matter.  maybe they are all facades, hiding the real me that has been trapped for almost 8 years.  

i guess my first step in changing is just being honest with the people around me about who i am

My name is Charity Ziebarth.  And I am a complete dork.  

I love reading.  put me in a public library and i could spend my whole day there.  And don't get me started in bookstores.  Any and all my money would disappear.  I am not going to take people's crap anymore about how i live more in "fantasy worlds" then the real world.  which leads to my addiction to writing.  Yes, more fiction and fantasy worlds.  I will not stop writing because you walk into a room and need attention.  Just like i would not expect you to put down your video game or stop a conversation with your friends when i walk into a room.  It is apart of who i am.  accept that, or leave.  because i do not need people in my life who tear me and what i love to do down.

I love to sing.  I left my music major because i felt inferior.  i know how to play exactly 0 instruments and my singing isn't exactly perfect.  I let self doubt and insecurity beat me out of what i loved to do.  I will not let that happen in theater.  I have made mistake these past two years when it comes to certain classes i have taken, specifically regarding attendance and staying on task with school work.. and that is going to change this year.  I will be the best i can be.  No more excuses.  

I am sure i will still procrastinate, but i cannot let it control my life anymore.  I have wasted more money and time and energy and hope by procrastinating then probably anything else.  

I will start being honest with my friends.  About everything.  I am no longer going to be okay when they have hurt me.  And i am no longer going to leave selfishness unchecked.  (myself included)  I am sorely tempted to write each of my closest friends a note on here, but maybe that will come later.  for now i just want you to know that i am not the same.  and i will not be a doormat any longer.

I love my mom so much.  She is my best friend.  I will continue to talk to her every single day i am in college.  (unless i get super busy which, lets face it, does happen)  i will not feel bad about it.  and i will enjoy every minute i get to talk to her.

I have a brother.  him and i have always butted heads.  And i regret that i have not been the big sister he needed.  I will be there for him his senior year of High School.  i am going to be a better sister.  a better daughter.  and a better friend.  and that all starts with the truth.

I hope my relationships can withstand the new me.  I hope I can withstand the new me.