Gone around the Bend?

I am beginning to recognize that I may be partially insane. Okay well not literally, but the range and speed of my mood swings are absolutely and completely ridiculous. As I'm sure most of you have seen first hand. It's something I've kind of brushed off as being emotional or just being a girl... Explanations that seem to work for everyone else. With that said I'm thinking they work less for me.
My mother is at the end of most of my random emotional outbursts, whether they're good bad or otherwise. And because she's my mother she loves me anyways. It's kind of her job. But there is no guarantee when it comes to anyone else. Sure it's a quirk I've just had since most of you have known me- but let me get this out in the open... It's not fun. I honestly get so overwhelmed by emotions that I feel like I'm going to vomit or pull my hair out (and in some instances run around waving my hands in the air or jumping up and down continuously- its not always bad emotions... But whatever I'm feeling - it takes over all of me) My dad asks me why I'm stressed all the time... I think it's because I never really know how I'm going to react to my day. I don't know if I'll be cool calm and collected Charity... Or overly dramatic worrisome Charity... Or, my favorite, crazy control freak Charity. Today I'm doing good. I should be stressed considering the amount of projects I have to do at work, the fact someone called out so I have to cover the cash wrap on top of all my projects, I have to drive to my cousins graduation immediately after work- after I stop by and pick up something for my mom at a store, and eat at some point. Definitely sounds like a stressful day... And yet here I am... Perfectly okay. Which I'm grateful for don't get me wrong... But yesterday was an easy going day and I was walking around like I had this huge chip on my shoulder. And I got super mean towards the end of the day... It honestly doesn't make any sense to me. One of my friends suggests I go to the doctor.. Get on birth control so it can regulate my hormones or something... And maybe I should. But I absolutely loathe the fact that I can't control my emotions and would need pills just to be normal. I should be able to control my emotions just like every other person. And maybe I just don't try hard enough. I shouldn't have to talk myself down every time someone says something that hurts or makes me angry... I want to be able to shrug it off . I want to care less. Because then maybe I'd feel less stupid and be much less vulnerable. But alas this is something I deal with everyday. And again, Im grateful for my friends and family who love me in spite of it all. I think I've repeated that last sentence at least four times in a few of my previous blogs. It just means I'm super insecure about it all and everyone's patience helps more than anyone realizes. And I will say I'm trying really really hard to stay in control and not fly off the handle... For any reason (rational or irrational).
If I can lose as much weight as I have I know I can get a handle on all this emotional upheaval going on inside me... It's just going to take awhile and that scares me.
Well, we'll see what happens. The three things that always seem to help no matter what is working out, listening to random worship music, or speeding with the windows down and the music blaring (this one I do less because I don't have the money to pay for speeding tickets- and because it's slightly reckless- which some people frown upon). So at the very least I've got those things going for me.
Haha. I guess the main reason why I'm saying all this is because I'm a handful... I know it sure, but not everyone else does. And it's just fair for me to throw it all out there. Give a heads up and what not. That's what blogs are for right? Because again, I'd never actually be able to verbally communicate all this.
:D until next time (which will probably be full of unicorns and rainbows seeing as my entries seem to flip flop between upset/frustrated and joyful/happy... Haha)