Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love.

Thanks Charlie Brown.

So. As it turns out I have one more hour before the new year.  One more hour until 2013.
Crazy stuff.

I would recap 2012, but let's be honest, I already blogged about most of it.  So all in all it was full of some amazing memories that I will never forget, and some that I will.  Hah.  I will say this: so far it's been one of my favorite years of all time.

Now 2013... let's briefly discuss.

New year's resolutions?  Heck yes.  Some are serious, others are fun.

1) Look good in a two piece swim-suit by summer.
          I'm going to loathe crunches and sit-ups on every level.  Can't wait.

2) Work on my relationships/Be a better friend.
          This includes my relationship with God too.  I've been slacking in many departments.  I'm going to do my best to fix them.

3) Perfect the 'Cups' song from Pitch Perfect.
          I will totally be able to sing that song while I do the cup thing at the same time.  It will happen!

4) Be more honest.
          This was one of my resolutions last year.  And I think I got better.  However, I need to take it one step further.  Be me and if other's don't like it they can vamoose.  They'll be missing out anyway.

5) Control my emotions.
          I don't mind feeling as much as I do. It's actually an amazing blessing.  However, I'm sick and tired of people being able to read me like an open book.  It's time to change that.

6) Write more.
          I will finish one of my stories by the end of the year.  I don't know which one... but at least one.

7) Read more.
          This may seem crazy to some of you since I read quite a bit already.  But as a Bookseller I don't read enough.

And as much as I would have loved to make 13... I think 7 is good enough.
I can always add more later of course.

I hope you all have a very happy happy new year.  Wherever you are.

Love, Charity.

It's almost 4am

Remember that time when I was going to go the gym.

Yeah.

Me neither.

Maybe I'll go today.  That would be good.

Anyway... hello.  It's December, still feels more like early October here in Sunny San Diego.  Maybe that's the reason why my Christmas spirit OMG I FORGOT TO FEED DARCY.  okay... we're good.  Fed Darcy.  I think he hates me.  I don't usually forget to feed him though so I don't think that's a reason.  I don't clean his home that often... it could be that.  I should clean his home tomorrow.  And go to the gym.  I'm starting a list.  Awesome.

1) Gym
2) Clean Mr. Darcy's living quarters.

That's all for now... I'm sure I'll add more as this blog progresses.  So, like I was saying.  Christmas spirit and all that jazz.  Mine needs to kick into gear.  It's there, but not THERE you know?  I think I'm just stressed is all, what with needing to buy presents, decorating, dealing with travel issues (and boy have there been a handful), emotional melt-downs, etc.  It's fun.  The holidays.

3) Buy my Mom's gift.
4) Clean?  Tidy up?  Something?
5) Do a Target/Vons run- get ribbon and bath wash (Because the bath wash I have right now is gross.  I mean it does it's job... and it smells fine enough... but it's gooey and goopy.  And we all know how I feel about the consistency of things.  It's why I won't eat yogurt.  Not that I eat my bath wash... but you get the point.  I hope).

So the other night I was a tad emotional.  By 'a tad' we all know I mean I was being absolutely ridiculous.  Michael was a trooper and helped my through the first bout.  And then Lauren helped with the second.  I realized something that night that I've now been wondering about.  I don't know about other people... but I for one HATE crying in front of people that aren't my mother.  Seriously... I can weep in my mom's arms like I have no pride or dignity what so ever... but if it's anyone else I feel like an absolute foolish baby child.  So then, when I keep it in... and don't cry in front of people... or at the very least try to keep it to a minimum... I find myself sobbing in my car by myself wishing I wasn't completely and utterly alone.  That someone was holding me.  Which doesn't make sense... because as I just said... I don't enjoy crying in front of people and it's not something I'm proud of.  Yet there I was crying like a baby wishing I could be hugged.  But I won't let anyone be near me as I cry.  It is a conundrum of the highest order.  And I do not like it.
I'd like to let you all know that after crying an obnoxious amount of tears I felt much better.  I don't know exactly how that works... because I wasn't even crying for a particular reason... I just was.  Crying that is.  And when I was all done...  I ate candy and fell asleep just fine.  No more overwhelming sadness.  I was good.  So again, I don't know if it's just a 'me' thing... and I'm crazy... or if it's a girl thing and we're all crazy... or if everyone feels this at some point.... so all of us are normal because we're all crazy.
I don't know if any of that made a lick of sense, but oh well.  Point is I'm okay now.  All the crying just got me thinking is all.

6) Stop leaving important things in my car.

Speaking of Sydney.  My driver's side window no longer works.  At all.  Something Michael can attest to first hand as he watched me struggle at Starbucks and then later at Santana's.  I think it made his night, whether he'll admit that I don't know... but he sure found it amusing.  Which is good... I think Sydney knows finals are this week and is just trying to help.  She'll go back to working next week.  I like to think that's how my car works at least.  As delusional as that may be.

7) Go to Alumni office.
8) Finalize loan stuff.
9) Prioritize this list from most likely to accomplish to least likely to accomplish
10) Go to bed - this is totally going at the top of my 'prioritized' list

A new book in a series I've fallen in love with came out today.  I started reading it already... so far it's awesome.  I'm sure I'll read even more of it later today... when I wake up.  I'd add it to the list... but the list is for things that I need to actually remind myself to do.  I never have to remind myself to read silly.

11) Write a review blog for Divergent

And now I think I shall leave you.  I know this wasn't the most thought provoking and mind bending blog you've read recently, but it's a little snippet into my brain... and that's always a fun adventure.  So hopefully I was able to get you to smile at least once.  And remember, as stressed out as you may feel/get over Christmas, school, job, friends, or even family, God Loves You.  (He loves me too)  It's awesome.

OH ps. This is totally vain of me after mentioning how much God loves you and everything, but I'm also debating on dying my hair. Nothing exotic. Just a darker brown? Like chocolate. Or coffee. Just a thought. Haven't officially decided. Though I'll admit... I'm spontaneous enough that I was debating buying the hair dye and doing it today. I'm not going to do that... But I was sorely tempted.

Let's catch up: A List (kinda)

Why hello.  I know, I know.  It's been awhile.  Sorry.

Let me get you caught up on my life.

I still work at Bookstar.

Dementor is gone.

Umbridge is not.

And now we have Filch...

And someone else who I have yet to figure out a name for.  We shall see... I'm on the fence. I'm leaning more towards Draco... but the jury is still out.

(Also... if this is any indication as to how work is going... I actually miss Dementor.  Yeah... I said it.  I miss him.  It's that bad)

I still have the best family in the whole world. I miss them often.  And by often I mean all the time.

I'm head over heels for Michael, the boyfriend.  Same one.  Hasn't changed.  He's the best.  His phone is not.  I want to tie it to a brick and toss it in the ocean.

Lauren and I are closer than ever, and I love her with all my little heart.  She has purple hair and kicks so much butt it's ridiculous.

I directed a musical.  Edges.  It was pretty epic I think.  Sorry if you missed it.

I was in a play at Salomon (yes, I graduated... it was as a favor.  I played a man.  I had a mustache and goatee.  It was hot.  kidding.  It was more hilarious than anything).  Less sorry if you missed it.

I'm 24 now.

Speaking of my birthday... I'm going to take the time and space in this post to thank absolutely everyone who helped make this birthday beyond awesome (I'm not literally going to write out every persons name... that would be alot of names).  But this includes all the people who thanked me via facebook, text message, phone calls, etc.  It means the world to me.  I don't care if it was the day of, a few hours before, or a few days later.  I am thankful just the same.  :D

I am still deciding what in the world I want to do with my life.  Yeah... I graduated college.  I won't belittle it.  It's a huge feat and I rocked it.  But, what do I do now?  It's not like I want to work at a bookstore for the rest of my life.  And definitely not here in San Diego where I pay an arm, leg, and part of my soul for rent and gas.  It worked out well... me getting my promotion to full time when I did. And I am beyond grateful.  I would have always wondered 'what if' had I had to move back to Vegas.  Anyway, point is I still don't know what I want to necessarily do with my future but I'm open to suggestions.

I've been able to keep my weight off!  I kind of stopped going to the gym for the last few months so I haven't lost any more weight, but at the very least I'm maintaining it!  Which is something I've never exactly done before.  I'll be starting back up with the gym tomorrow though.  It's on like donkey kong.

Christmas is coming up and I'm super stoked.  I've already decorated the majority of my place.  I need to clean my place so people can come over and see it!!  This should happen sometime this week.  Maybe Thursday... but don't quote me on it. ;)

So... this blog has been rather cheerful I think.  And it shall remain so because I'm not about to bring down the doom and gloom or anything... however, there will be a blog coming up about change, feelings, and whatever 'heavy' topics I deem necessary. hah.  Look out for that one... it'll be tons'o'fun.
But I shall leave you with the reassurance that I'll actually blog more than once every four months.  I'm also starting a new blog with my cousin, Tabitha.  We're going to review all the books we read!  That may not sound that exciting... but I assure you, it'll be awesome.  Here's our introduction: YAY! Click the link.  Do it! Do it and I'll get my first review out by Friday!!! I like this plan.

A little dose of Sarcasm.

Some facts about your local Bookstore that you may not know.
- they are actually a library. No need to purchase anything.
- the employees get paid handsomely to pick up after every single customer- So feel free to leave your books lying haphazardly around the store. Putting away unwanted items where you got them is unnecessary and makes them feel unappreciated.
- removing product from displays in order to have a flat surface to sit on is encouraged as long as you stack said product in a pile next to where you originally found it.
- you are invited to complain to any and all booksellers about your disappointment in the way the store is set up and the lack of product. Seeing as they can move the bays, have an exorbitant amount of extra space and have control over every title that is received they will be able to immediately correct all that you deem unsatisfactory.
- be sure to explain why you are making your purchase to the cashier. For example: that although the first book is a tad dark, the last two books in the fifty shades of grey series are, in fact, all about the deep relationships between the characters more so then then sex that occurs on literally every other page.
- do not smile. It frightens the booksellers.

:) You're very welcome.

Shut the front door.

Today is one of those days I wish I could cuss openly on this blog of mine. I don't because the majority of my friends and family have issues with cursing. It's vulgar, unladylike, rude, distasteful blah blah blah etc etc etc. but sometimes there are literally no other words to explain the mounting frustrations and unending emotions I'm being plagued with. I don't want to aim it at anyone... And it's not even for anyone in particular (that's kind of a lie... Kind of).... It's just that cathartic feeling of typing a taboo word in all caps for everyone to see ... It's that same desire as getting into my car... Rolling down the windows and speeding down the highway as fast as I dare. And technically that's wayyy more reckless than a stupid word... But whatever. I get it, and I respect my family and friends enough not to do it. But boy do I want to.
Also, I appreciate your patience on days like these where I may or may not rip your head off while simultaneously sobbing and laughing...
AND I need a hug
AND something to get my mind off work... Something I've been wanting to do for a very long time. Here's hoping.

Positoovity

These are the best.

Viola: No man... if you wanna kiss her... You go right ahead and you kiss her! I mean, knock your self out! You just take her... then kiss her. Then kiss the crap out of her! 
-She's the Man-

Hercules: Aren't you... a damsel in distress? 
Meg: I'm a damsel, I'm in distress, I can handle this. Have a nice day. 
-Hercules-

Tantor: Are you sure this water's sanitary?  It looks questionable to me!
Tantor's Mom: It's fine hunny.
Tantor: But Mom! What about Bacteria?
-Tarzan-

Yzma: Ah, how shall I do it? Oh, I know. I'll turn him into a flea, a harmless, little flea, and then I'll put that flea in a box, and then I'll put that box inside of another box, and then I'll mail that box to myself, and when it arrives Muahahahahahaha! I'll smash it with a hammer!
-Emperor's New Groove-

Baroness Rodmilla De Ghent: Darling, nothing is final 'til you're dead, and even then, I'm sure God negotiates.
-Ever After-

 I felt that my last few blog posts have been rather, how shall I put this, on the spitefully bitter side.  So in an effort to shake things up a bit I am going to try and be more positive in these musings.  Hence the funny and lovely quotes from some of my all time favorite movies to get the ball rolling.  Don't get me wrong... my life hasn't suddenly turned into rainbows and butterflies.  I still deal with the Dementor and now Umbridge... and Umbridge's cousin, we'll call her Milfred, on a daily basis.  I'm going to have to deal with the huge hole graduating has left in my soul once school starts up in a week.  I'm having issues sleeping.  And I'm still working on keeping my emotions in check because they're bloody ridiculous and stupid.  BUT in spite of all those things I am still focusing on the positives! Go me. 

Positive 1)  I'm back into my gym routine.  It's only been two weeks consecutively... but I'm fairly certain I'm making it a lasting habit this time.  I walk about three miles daily.  Some faster than others depending on my mood and which movie they're showing in the work out theatre (it really is the coolest part of the whole gym.  Giant movie screen in a dark room with workout equipment.  It's a little slice of heaven for movie buffs such as myself.  Not to mention I feel less self-conscious running in the dark.  Less wobbly bits to be seen).  Though I am proud of my progress... the other day a guy gets on next to me.. and busts out a 6 minute mile.  He's running at 9 mph like it's a jaunt through the park.  And all I could think was... that guy would be able to survive a zombie apocalypse.  I would not.

Positive 2)  I bought new shoes.  Which may seem unimportant.. however, they were on sale.  Originally $30.  I paid $9.  They're not exactly practical and I can't wear them to work, but they're very pretty.  Black patten leather pumps.  I like things on sale.  Of course then I went and bought a skirt that wasn't on sale... but I CAN wear it to work.  Yay!  This was at Target.  I went in to buy a windshield wiper.  

Positive 3)  I have to clean the entirety of my apartment Wednesday.  You may be wondering how this is a positive.  Well, first of all, while I am cleaning I get to listen to an audio book my coworker is letting me borrow.  It's the sequel to this amazing book called A Discovery of Witches by Deborah Harkness.  I never mentioned reading it on here because it was during a stint when I read about 6 books in two weeks.  I was obsessed.  So now I get to clean while being entertained.  Secondly, it means people are visiting!!! My Nana and Papa are coming over this weekend.  I haven't seen them since graduation!  Yay for free food and not coming home to an empty lonely desolate house (I really need to buy a fish).

Positive 4)  School's starting again.  Why do I care about something I no longer pay a bazillion dollars to attend? Because Michael is coming back!!! Yay.  I get to see him this Wednesday night (that's tomorrow... ahhh).  Sure, it'll be helping him unpack his life into a tiny room on campus, but I get to actually spend time with my boyfriend.  It's quite exciting.  That's not sarcasm.  I'm for real excited.  (It also means Pointless is back.  And let's be honest... I missed them.  Beautiful music is so in my future.  I just hope they find some quality guys to replace the ones they lost this last year... fingers crossed.)  

Positive 5)  I'M GOING TO DISNEYLAND WITH MY MOM IN TWO WEEKS. enough said.

Positive 6)  I have some of the BEST best friends in the whole world.  They know why they're amazingly awesome... but I'll share a few reasons with you.  They help me make complex wardrobe decisions.  They listen to me spew out enough word vomit to fill an NFL stadium.  They're honest with me.  They let me know when they're proud of me and give me words of encouragement and/or compliments.  They don't put up with my self-sabotaging BS.  They ask for and care about my opinion.  They trust me.  And most of all they love me for me.  I am beyond blessed.  Thank you.


I think that's enough positivity for one day.  I'm exhausted.  Until next time... you have one positive day!

Face palm.

Things you should probably work on as a human being:
-Stop coming into my store with some vague reference of what you want and expect me and my coworkers to be able to find it for you. Your pathetic description of, "I read about it in the newspaper/magazine," or "I saw it online," or "I heard about it on the radio" with an additional detail like, "it's new," or "it's by a woman," or "the cover is black and white" is not enough information to adequately point you in the right direction. We can do our best of course and quite often we do magically find that special book you decided you wanted on a whim, but I refuse to put up with your huffs of disappointment, impatience and anger when we can't find what you so poorly described. Do I look like a computer to you? I'm a sassy curvy and pretty 23 year old. Not a bloody robot.
- If someone in your apartment complex/building/neighborhood is being too loud at a time that is usually reserved for let's say, sleeping, and it's a first time offense be an adult about it and confront said people/person. Do not send in an anonymous complaint to whatever person is in authority- and especially do not be overly dramatic using phrases like, "with no end in site." Had you let me and my guests know that we were being obnoxiously loud we would have immediately stopped and would have apologized profusely. Instead you acted like a coward and placed your complaint anonymously. Grow up.
- When I say good morning to you and you respond with nothing, a nod, or a hey. You deserve to be slapped in the face. Two people, this morning alone, couldn't be bothered to reply to such a greeting in a normal/polite way... Or any way at all. I don't really care what the excuse is. Someone says good morning you say it back- even if it's a random stranger! Its just plain courteous and not all that difficult.
- If you insult/make disparaging remarks about my family, boyfriend, friends, or myself please assume that we're no longer talking until you apologize. And furthermore don't threaten me- I am a prolific writer and I will have no problem telling people my side of the story. So try and not be so rude next time.

Well that sums it up quite nicely I think. Have a wonderful day.

Confidence with a side of Mr. Darcy

I stand outside on my balcony glaring down at the party going on below.  Loud obnoxious I'm-not-too-sure-that's-even-real-Hawaiian music is playing in an attempt to set a beach type scene around the populated pool.  We live in sunny San Diego.  The beach is literally right outside our condo.  Why is there need for a luau inside our condo?  They look like they're having fun at least.  I can't say the same for me.  I should get up the courage and go down there.  I'd keep my comments about the music to myself of course, but maybe I'd make friends.  I can do with making some new friends.  I walk back inside and shut the door.  I'll check facebook first then I'll go down.

I never went down.

And yes.  I regret that decision.  I keep telling myself I'm 23 years old.  I'm an adult.  I can have real conversation with real people and make real friends outside of any school type setting.  It's a real possibility.  But then I begin to feel like I'm still only eighteen on the inside.  That's how I feel most of the time anyway.  Sure, I've graduated college and have a full time job with a position that actually gives me some authority and power (notice how I say 'some' haha).  But when it comes to experiencing life outside of work?  I'm still a scared adolescent.  I've refused to step out of my comfortable box and jump into the real world.  I'll watch a few of my more outgoing friends chat it up with complete strangers at restaurants or bars.  They'll flirt with waiters or whoever.  And then there's me.  Who seemingly forgets how to string a sentence of coherent words together when I face new people.
When I'm at work I'm fine.  I deal with new and random people every single day.  I don't forget how to speak and I'm mildly clever most of the time.  I've made the majority of my customers smile or laugh in the process of helping them out.  I know I have a killer personality (as self-absorbed as that may sound... I know it's true... and I'm pretty sure my family and friends will attest to it).  So why is it that I lock up this 'killer personality' when I'm out in public?  I come off as this shy quiet girl when I am anything but.  It's like my confidence disappears, or at the very least runs away to hide under a box in a corner.  Rude.  With all this said, I'm just adding it to the list of things I want to work on.  I need to be able to walk into a room with confidence!!  If people don't want to be be my friend or get to know me then that's their loss because I am a giant mess of awesome fun.  I just have to learn to give people an opportunity to make that choice.

In other news, I have found a new favorite song.  It's country.  Which I don't necessarily love, normally.  I have a few favorite artists like Carrie Underwood and Luke Bryan, but it's hardly the most played genre in my iTunes.  But my cousin, lovingly, shared this song with me only moments ago and I am now addicted.  It's absolutely beautiful and touching and just ugh... it is so stinking sweet.  Super great description I know, so here it is.  It's a lyric video.  A pretty awesome one at that.  But I am sure you can form your own opinions (enjoy):
Wanted by Hunter Hayes
So good right?  Just nod in agreement.  The chorus and ending bridge are my absolute favorite parts of the whole song.  You can totally listen to it again.  I give you permission.  I think I'm in a hopeless romantic phase/mood right now/lately.  First I watch Pride and Prejudice (the one with Kiera Knightley) at Lauren's house.  You may not find that odd... but I swear it was like we were watching it for the first time we were so into it.  Afterwards I felt super giddy and couldn't stop smiling.  Mr. Bingley? Swoon.  Mr. Darcy? Double Swoon.  It's just a great love story.  And now I'm listening to this song (seriously... I pushed play again).  I'll keep you updated on anymore hopelessly romantic symptoms I may exhibit.  It will be fun.  I assure you.  Especially as I try to exert more confidence into my daily life... All kinds of fun.

Inner Battles: a dialogue story

"Explain how you feel."

"Like poop.  Dog poop smeared on the bottom of some rich man's fancy shoe.  So I'm even extra poopy in comparison with the expensive shoe." I glare at the ceiling.  Why am I here?  

"You're not allowed to use similes.  They're counterproductive and allow you to hide behind sarcasm."

"They're counterproductive meh meh meh." I mumble under my breath.

"Try again." 

"Alright.  I feel... sad." Generic feelings.  Nothing personal.

"That's better.  Now expand on that."

"Expand?  I'm not a balloon."

"Indeed.  Balloons don't talk.  Nor do they feel.  Explain why you're sad."

"I'm sad because I'm unhappy." I smirk, slightly delighted with my response.  Bring on all the vagueness.

"And are you always unhappy?" 

"Of course not." I snap, "I have no right to be.  I'm blessed beyond belief.  If I was unhappy all the time I'd be an ungrateful whelp."

"So you're only an ungrateful whelp some of the time then?"

I sit up only slightly.  Just enough to glare daggers at her. "That's not what I meant."

"Then what did you mean?"

I groan loudly.  This is so stupid.  "I think these feelings are dumb.  I have no reason to be sad.  No real reason to be unhappy."

"And yet you are." 

"Wow.  Thank you.  You are a world of help.  Really.  I'm glad we had this discussion." I stand up angrily.  I am so over this.

"Why?"

"Why what?" I turn on her and cross my arms over my chest.  I should have just ignored her and left.  But heaven forbid I be rude.

"Why do you think your feelings are dumb?  They're yours after all.  And by calling them dumb you are, in extension, calling yourself dumb."

"Listen, my feelings are a roller coaster..."

"I said no similes." She cuts me off abruptly.

"Well luckily that was a metaphor."

For the first time she frowns.  Hah, gotcha!

"Go on." she says slowly.  

I try not to sound too snide as I continue, "And the roller coaster is never the same.  I never know what to expect or what's going to trigger the next drop or barrel roll.  It just happens.  And when it does... I'm not the only one it affects."

"You're talking about your friends and family."

"Ding ding." I collapse back to the bed.  I guess I can stay a little while longer.

"So are you saying you're more worried about how your emotions affect others than they do yourself?" 

"No.  That's not what I'm saying.  My emotions affect me first and foremost.  They don't exactly make others curl into a ball and sob uncontrollably.  But they do cause collateral damage.  Damage that sometimes I'm afraid is irreversible." I add the last part on quietly... like if I say it softly enough she'd miss it.  She doesn't.

"Because you let your emotions control you... and you lose your temper?"

"Yes.  But it's more than just getting angry and losing my temper.  I feel everything.  All the good; all the bad.  I ride the roller coaster wherever it takes me.  I'm not the one driving."

"Why not?"

"Because it's a bloody roller coaster!  No one drives a roller coaster!  It wouldn't be a roller coaster if there was a driver now would it?  It be a car... or a bus!" I shout at her.  Way to keep my cool.  That's twice now.

"Fair enough.  Why has the roller coaster taken a dive recently?"

"What?" 

"You heard me." She says in a manner of fact kind of tone.  Now who's getting sassy?

"I don't know.  I guess I'm lonely.  I think."

"Lonely?  But you have friends... willing to hang out with you.  Willing to spend time with you.  And coworkers who enjoy your company.  You aren't unloved by any means and,"

"Exactly!  I know all those things.  And that's why these feelings are stupid.  I should be happy.  Content.  Satisfied.  But I'm not.  I'm angry I don't get to see my family more often.  Angry that when I do I'm pissy and standoffish.  And selfish.  Always selfish."

"Not always dear."  

"What would you know?  I lash out at the people I care about.  I drive them away because I don't think I'm worth ANYTHING!!!" I cry into my hands as the tears begin to fall.  Oh great.  Perfect.  She's got me crying now.

"You are.  You are worth so much.  And to think otherwise?  That is what's stupid.  Not your feelings.  Not the emotional roller coaster."  

I don't look at her.  I don't move.  What happened to her level headed no emotion approach?

"It all comes down to the fact you look in the mirror and are disgusted by what you see."

Another wave of tears.  Thanks.  Thanks a whole lot.

"That is what you have to deal with.  Your friends, best-friends, ex's, boyfriends, acquaintances, relatives, strangers, the entirety of the whole world, and God can all love you to pieces, but if you don't love yourself it will never be enough."

"How am I supposed to do that?  With all the regret, guilt, hurt, bitterness, and anger gnawing away at my soul.  All the things I've done to myself.  All my bad decisions." I challenge her as I finally meet her eyes.

"You're human.  What about your accomplishments?  Your loyalty?  Your love, compassion, patience, devotion, and passion?  You so easily look at the negatives.  You allow them to overwhelm you to exhaustion.  What would happen if at those lows on your roller coaster you focus on the ups?  The times when you could have flown to the moon and back with joy.  It's convenient those memories slip away so easily.

"Convenient?  How is that convenient?  I'm wallowing here!  I'd hardly call it convenient." So now we're yelling at each other.  Great.

"Convenient because it gives you an excuse to hate yourself.  You're allowed to feel sad and depressed!  It happens.  You don't have to add it to the list of what's wrong with you.  Shred that damn list!  You are more than a list of human inefficiencies.  Why can't you see that?!"

"You're an awful shrink!!!" I scream right back at her.

Silence.  

I blink a few times trying to rid the blurriness brought on by all the tears.  I focus on the figure in front of me.  She looks much less professional now.  Her hair is untidy and she's wearing the exact same thing as me.  Jeans and a t-shirt.  And she's been crying too.  

A loud knock on my door yanks my attention in the opposite direction.  "You okay in there?  I heard quite a bit of yelling."  On the other side of the door my roommate shouts worriedly.

"I'm fine." I call back as I look forward again.

"You sure?" she pushes open the door and I can hear her footsteps coming closer.

"Yeah.  I was just arguing with myself.  I'll be okay." 

I smile sadly at my reflection in the mirror.

"Better than okay." I whisper.

Diving in

I tend to overreact. It's part of the whole being emotional 98% of the time thing. It's also due to the fact I care wayyy more than I should about things that other people probably don't give a second thought about. I'm also incredibly sensitive at times (baha alright... Most of the time) so you may hurt me without even knowing it. And because I'm passive aggressive to a fault I would rather make snide comments on twitter or fb then actually tell you I'm hurt. Or I complain about it to my other friends who I'm currently not upset with/hurt by.
I do not like that I do this Nor do I condone it.
Because a) it makes those friends dislike the person I'm complaining about and/or makes them ask if I even enjoy being that persons friend in the first place and b) I'm not solving anything by venting. Well I feel better afterwards and I usually can go on with my day... But then I get hurt a few days later and that feeling of annoyed bitterness comes back ten-fold. All because I brushed my feelings under the rug/table/pick your choice of furniture.
So what I'm trying to get at is I want to be more honest. Which sounds simple and you're probably thinking- what a concept! But it's not simple. It's not easy. I don't like making others feel uncomfortable. And I certainly don't like making others mad/upset/annoyed with me. However, I'm beginning to realize that by not being honest with others I'm tearing myself apart. I make bad decisions... I want to drown myself into anything but real life... I feel like I'm walking on egg shells. And it's all because I'm too afraid to share how I feel. Too afraid because deep down I think that if I confront an issue then that person (best friend, coworker, boyfriend, friend, even some family members) will realize I'm not worth the aggravation. This is when you say, "well charity, if they don't stick around for your friendship or whatever then they're obviously not worth YOUR time." And again, sounds simple. But it's not for me. I'd rather sky dive or scuba dive... Or any dive than dive into my tumultuous never-ending emotions with others. Because if I can barely understand them how do I expect others to?!?! Ughhhhh. Now I'm just talking in circles.
Thanks for reading. I'm going to attempt the honesty thing. Not that I'll tell every person who walks by wearing a pair of crocks that they need to reevaluate their fashion sense... But just be more honest with the people I care about... And who effect me on a daily/weekly basis. This should be fun. Wish me luck.

Things I love/loathe about...

-Working at Bookstar.
Love: My coworkers. They are beyond fun and keep me entertained while simultaneously keeping me on my toes.  My skipping, singing/humming, odd phrases, and the like don't seem to bother them at all.  In fact I think they might even enjoy it.  It's always a fun time when we work.  There's so few of us that we're kind of a family.  I am pretty sure I love every single one of them... Minus the Dementor... Though I guess dementors need love too... So why not... Im a loving person... And by-jove he's going to not dislike me entirely within this next year... That is my goal. Kill 'em with kindness!!! (or a really heavy book)
Loathe: the temperature is kept at a whopping 65 degrees in the stock room and break room. Which means I'm freezing half of the time... And I'm not exaggerating because I'm usually quite freezing in normal type temperature... So for all intensive purposes I might as well be working in Antarctica. But at least there it would be normal to wear a parka... Here... People look at me funny.
Love: I work at a bookstore. That in itself is love. Books have always been such an important part of my life and the fact I get to be surrounded by them all day almost every day is simply wonderful. But it also reminds me how few books I've actually read. I need to read more! Seriously though... I do. Got any suggestions? I finished three books a couple of weeks ago and then never mentioned them on here... They weren't really worth mentioning sadly enough. So I need moooore ideas.

-Living by myself.
Love: I know that when there is a mess or I've magically run out of food... There is no one to blame but myself. Don't get me wrong... I still think there could be a mystical type creature that hides my stuff and eats my food... But besides this mystical creature... The state of my place depends solely on me. Which in spite of the looming responsibility... It's nice to know I am in control of my place. I can decorate as I want and move furniture around the way I like. It's just super Awesome.
Loathe: I always come home to an empty place. Sure I have my stuffed animals (don't even kind of judge me... I have and will always love them... I don't have an exuberant amount necessarily... But come on... They're cute and cuddly and again... I live by myself. I can't cuddle with myself. Nor do I look like a fuzzy wuzzy bear. So, my tiny obsession of stuffed animals really isn't that bad... Technically) but other than them I'm all by myself. Every day. Most of the time I'm totally okay with that... But every once in awhile it's kind of sad. Which means I just need to invite people over more I guess... I'll have to ask Shakesbear if that's alright. HAHAHA. Just kidding... I don't actually talk to my stuffed animals...I'm not that weird. But I did name him that... Clever no? (technically Michael came up with the name... But shhhhhh ... I'm taking all the credit)
Love: I can walk around in my apartment wearing as little clothing as I desire. I don't walk around naked... (though I totally could... Ha ha) but, for instance, I can wear just a bra and jeans if I like... Or dance around in only my underwear and be perfectly okay because no one is here to look at me like I've lost my mind. It's just fun is all I'm saying... And I love it. (Some people might think that this is awkward... but that just means you have never had the pleasure of dancing about in your underwear.  Because I assure you... it's the best)  Also... I'm a girl... so walking around in less clothing than what is deemed necessary is kind of a big deal.  I can't walk around in public with my shirt off.  Not that I would ever want to... but my point is that since I live by myself I can wear whatever I like and no one's the wiser.  ;)

Whelp, that's enough love and loathing for one day.  I'm sure I'll have another installment out sometime... Maybe I'll discuss my love/loathing for iPhones!  Or Pointless.  Or being a girl.  Or graduating (though that probably won't happen until school is back in session).  But I definitely think this is going to be a reoccuring theme now.  So stay tuned. And have one fantastic July!!!

OHHHH I almost forgot.  There is a new(ish) song that I am falling in LOVE with.
Here it is: Good Time by Owl City and Carly Rae Jepsen.  This is their lyric video.  (Lyric videos are catchy and wicked fun.)
I seriously love it.  It's so upbeat and lively.  I think this summer has come out with some really kick-butt songs.  And we're only half way through!!!  So excited.

Stupid people and Random smiles.

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." - Eleanor Roosevelt.
Sometimes it doesn't feel that way though. I feel like people suck and thereby hurt/offend me accordingly. I've already had three instances today where I had to take a breath and tell myself to not let them ruin my day. Maybe they're having a bad morning... Or a bad week... And have no idea they're being rude/offensive. Of course I'd like to let them know exactly where they can stick their newly purchased book and presumptuous attitude... However, I refrain. Because I like my job.
But sometimes it's incredibly hard not to take personal offense when people are inconsiderate... Some people talk down to you, some ignore your comments/questions entirely and move right on to what they deem worthy to discuss, some are just plain snobby, and others well- others can choke on a hotdog.
With all this said I think I'm taking today all in stride. What happens happens and I have the power to let it ruin my day OR ignore it and move on. And luckily my emotional capacity is fairly level right now so I don't have to work as hard to stay calm and carry on (hahaha I hate that stupid phrase... But it's so true in this instance).
I've also just realized I'm in a whatever mood... The kind where I just don't give two heaping piles of dung about what people think about what I say on here. Take it to heart or ignore what I say completely... Your choice. Writing just helps me feel better. And now here is a list of other things that also make me feel better: I'm super excited for Lauren because she got a full time job at the Rep!!!! And I'm so proud of her. And my mom is coming to visit next weekend and I'm super stoked for that.... And I'm going to the Del Mar fair tomorrow... Lots of things I'm happy for and care very much about. The whatever mood is mainly for all the stupid people that unknowingly or sometimes purposefully piss me off. It's for people who fail to go out of their way for others. Rant #2 begins now.
Example: when I'm at a retail store and I mess up a stack of shirts... I usually fix it. It may not be the best fixing job but I try. I go out of my way for friends and coworkers too. I try and think of ways to make them smile... Whether it's bringing them random Starbucks or just sending them a text. I never thought these were weird actions. Until lately. Lately when people leave piles of books randomly throughout the store on an hourly basis. Or friends who forget I exist for large chunks of time.
I just don't understand how hard it is to try and think of others before yourself... Or at the very least treat others how you'd like to be treated!!! I know I don't do this all the time... I'm far from perfect. But I try really really hard to show I care. And it's getting annoying realizing I'm a minority in this way of thinking.
Now that I've said all that... I'm in a much better mood. Work is still going by painfully slow, and I have a coworker who I swear is a Dementor but besides that I'm better. Especially because a) I'm going to work out after work and I'm super excited. Haven't swam almost all week and I miss it. b) (and this may be silly of me) I've been with Michael for two months as of today. And I know for some people that's not a big deal and who cares... But it just makes me happy. And he still makes me happy.
Also I look cute and professional today... Which normally I wouldn't mention because I don't do that sort of thing (still in the whatever mood apparently lol) and that also makes me happy. So after this odd post of frustrations and random smiles I leave you with this: do something for someone else today that you normally wouldn't do. It can be as small as you like... And they may not even notice. But I promise it'll make you feel great.

Confession: I have a Journal obsession...

I may have a tiny problem. I love writing... As if you couldn't tell. That's not my problem. My obsession with journals might be. I'm sure I own at least fifteen... If not more if I'm being completely honest- they're all different and I love each one- And if they were all full of my charming witticisms and anecdotes then there wouldn't be a problem at all... However, I have never completed a single one. I've started about five... And the rest are just plain ole empty. Now, I do have one journal that I've made a huge dent in and I'm proud. But I may or may not be buying two more today... Wait! Before you judge me too harshly... Let me explain. These two journals are super cool and hilarious!!! And I haven't even written in them yet! Also, I always buy journals knowing that some day (even if it's thirty some years from now) I will get to writing in it- it's a fail proof plan. And I never pay full price... It's employee appreciation week at my work and I get an extra percentage off because of this... Which means super savings!!!! So with all that said- I accept the fact I may have an issue- but I'm still buying the journals.

The change up- not the movie.

This is my goal for today's musings: keep it short and simple. And now here is my attempt at such a thing.
The other night I decided to go Back in time. What I mean to say is I started at the beginning of my blogdom and began to read through all my old thoughts. A few posts were quite insightful... And others just made me laugh. It's good to know I have always been (at least from the point I started blogging) quite dramatic. But honestly I don't mind, I'd be much less entertaining if I didn't lose my cool or exaggerate like I do.
And then A few made me upset. Upset with myself. I mean don't get me wrong I've turned out pretty good I think, with awesome friends, one amazing boyfriend, and the best loving family a girl could ask for. But those posts just reminded me of how utterly blind I was. Or how naive I was. Whichever.
I've been blessed with this fabulous life and I almost threw it all away. Not in like a life or death sense. But in a manner of making all the wrong decisions- and at that point in time thinking they were actually good decisions. Of course, my choices and experiences have helped shaped me into who I am today. And yes, I am grateful for that, but I'm still pissed that I was so bloody stupid as a teenager and then that even overflowed into my twenties.
I've watched as people around me have changed drastically in the last five years or so thinking that I haven't REALLY change THAT much, but I totally have. I mean I'm still me, with all my emotions and dramatic episodes, and Im totally still capable of being a complete dunce, but I think I've managed to grow up quite a bit and that makes me absolutely thrilled. Especially since this whole graduated thing is a brand new ball game.
And I'm here to hit some home runs/make some touchdowns/[insert any other cheesy sport reference here]

And one more thing before I go that has nothing to do with the above topic... Well two things:
1) I need to make a summer reading list. I will mention it from time to time and review the books on here. Kind of like I did last summer but hopefully with more conviction and gusto seeing as I only finished three books last time. Ha ha. Anyone have any good books they feel like suggesting? [do not say fifty shades of grey... I will slap you]
2) I need to write more. Not on here- geesh- ya'll would want to start slapping me- Im actually talking about my stories. I keep making up excuses- like writers block, but since I haven't actually sat down and even tried to start I think it's safe to say I'm just slacking.
So yes, read and write more! Perfect!

Kind of short ? Pretty simple?
Mission accomplished...ish. ;)

Gone around the Bend?

I am beginning to recognize that I may be partially insane. Okay well not literally, but the range and speed of my mood swings are absolutely and completely ridiculous. As I'm sure most of you have seen first hand. It's something I've kind of brushed off as being emotional or just being a girl... Explanations that seem to work for everyone else. With that said I'm thinking they work less for me.
My mother is at the end of most of my random emotional outbursts, whether they're good bad or otherwise. And because she's my mother she loves me anyways. It's kind of her job. But there is no guarantee when it comes to anyone else. Sure it's a quirk I've just had since most of you have known me- but let me get this out in the open... It's not fun. I honestly get so overwhelmed by emotions that I feel like I'm going to vomit or pull my hair out (and in some instances run around waving my hands in the air or jumping up and down continuously- its not always bad emotions... But whatever I'm feeling - it takes over all of me) My dad asks me why I'm stressed all the time... I think it's because I never really know how I'm going to react to my day. I don't know if I'll be cool calm and collected Charity... Or overly dramatic worrisome Charity... Or, my favorite, crazy control freak Charity. Today I'm doing good. I should be stressed considering the amount of projects I have to do at work, the fact someone called out so I have to cover the cash wrap on top of all my projects, I have to drive to my cousins graduation immediately after work- after I stop by and pick up something for my mom at a store, and eat at some point. Definitely sounds like a stressful day... And yet here I am... Perfectly okay. Which I'm grateful for don't get me wrong... But yesterday was an easy going day and I was walking around like I had this huge chip on my shoulder. And I got super mean towards the end of the day... It honestly doesn't make any sense to me. One of my friends suggests I go to the doctor.. Get on birth control so it can regulate my hormones or something... And maybe I should. But I absolutely loathe the fact that I can't control my emotions and would need pills just to be normal. I should be able to control my emotions just like every other person. And maybe I just don't try hard enough. I shouldn't have to talk myself down every time someone says something that hurts or makes me angry... I want to be able to shrug it off . I want to care less. Because then maybe I'd feel less stupid and be much less vulnerable. But alas this is something I deal with everyday. And again, Im grateful for my friends and family who love me in spite of it all. I think I've repeated that last sentence at least four times in a few of my previous blogs. It just means I'm super insecure about it all and everyone's patience helps more than anyone realizes. And I will say I'm trying really really hard to stay in control and not fly off the handle... For any reason (rational or irrational).
If I can lose as much weight as I have I know I can get a handle on all this emotional upheaval going on inside me... It's just going to take awhile and that scares me.
Well, we'll see what happens. The three things that always seem to help no matter what is working out, listening to random worship music, or speeding with the windows down and the music blaring (this one I do less because I don't have the money to pay for speeding tickets- and because it's slightly reckless- which some people frown upon). So at the very least I've got those things going for me.
Haha. I guess the main reason why I'm saying all this is because I'm a handful... I know it sure, but not everyone else does. And it's just fair for me to throw it all out there. Give a heads up and what not. That's what blogs are for right? Because again, I'd never actually be able to verbally communicate all this.
:D until next time (which will probably be full of unicorns and rainbows seeing as my entries seem to flip flop between upset/frustrated and joyful/happy... Haha)

Skipping Around Like a Child

Happpppy happy joy joy. I don't know if it's because it is the start of a new week, or I had an awesome conversation last night, or because I feel pretty today, or just because of no reason whatsoever but I am in a wonderfully good mood!!!
I'm even at work right now (well, on my break at work...) and I'm practically skipping around the kids section doing my projects and helping customers as happy as a kid stuck in a candy store.
It's euphoric really.
But I am working with a new guy... Well he's not new new ... He's a transfer. But today is the first time I get to work with him. He has a British type accent. And usually I could listen to a British guy talk for hours about absolutely anything ... Including the migratory patterns of carp... But this guy ... Not so much. Maybe it's because when he calls me over the loud speaker it sounds like I'm a maid in his castle being summoned to clean up cat vomit or something... I blame my imagination. He might be a fine guy... Who knows... But my imagination has already decided that he is pretentious. Who am I to argue with my imagination on such matters?
I get to spend the evening with my best friend Lauren after I go swimming at the gym! I'm super excited for this as well. Let me explain a few things about Lauren. She's married which means I have to share her with her husband... And luckily he's a pretty swell guy and I like him Alot. But what I love about her is that we can talk about simply anything. (don't get me wrong I have other great friends I can also talk to and so on, but half the time I don't even have to explain why I've said something and she gets it) And! She has stuck with me through thick and thin. And I just want her to know... And all of blogging kingdom to know... That I am incredibly grateful for her and her friendship. She keeps me sane most of the time... Especially on days where I just want to stab the world in the jugular. So I think everyone should be a tad thankful for her too, or more than a tad... Your choice Lol.
And since I'm on the subject of great awesome people... I'd also like to say how thankful I am for Michael (the boyfriend... In case you forgot or something). He's great. And I know I can be a bit much to handle... But he does wonderfully and I don't think I've smiled this often in years. I also miss him terribly because he's currently 8 hours away from me and I kind of just want to hug him all the time as well as hold his hand and hang out at Denny's with Alyssa or just get coffee (well he gets coffee I get tea). But alas neither of us have the power to teleport so I have to wait until August. Patience is a virtue. One I get to really enjoy. But my point is I am happy. And he's been a huge part of that. And I wanted everyone to know.
Well poop. I have to get back to working! Skipping and singing and not hitting the new guy with a heavy book... ;) Hope your day is going at least half as swimmingly as mine. Until next time!!!!

Hulk-sized opinions coming your way

I enjoy twitter.  It's a fun social media site that keeps us updated with our friends/fave celebrities/random yet interesting people's daily musings.  I have grown quite fond of it.  And I know it can get annoying when people have twitter conversations that you're not included in and yet you can read all about anyway... And you know you will because you're nosy and that's what one does on twitter.  It's part of the game.  What should be banned from the game is attention seeking comments that are obviously out to get attention but yet are too bloody vague to really mean anything to anyone.  In fact I'm just going to switch it all up on you and start talking about the implications of being vague.  Vagueness allows others to assume.  Assume assume assume.  Is he talking about me?  Did I upset her?  Could that be what he's talking about? <- If I can think any of those kinds of thoughts... you're being vague.  And yeah sure, people should refrain from assuming.  Like I've blogged about before.  But when you're blatantly vague... let me get this clear... you suck.  Grow some balls and say what you are thinking.  Or just don't say it at all.  Keep it to yourself and stop seeking attention.  It's annoying.  (And I'll admit.. I've done it.  Most of us have.  And it happens... just don't let it happen all the bloody time- and especially not on twitter.  Thanks)

As you can tell, my mood isn't the brightest today.  I'm not angry or sad or whatever.  And no one's done anything to really upset me.  I've just been in a funk.  But it's not like I'm miserable.  It's a different kind of mood.  One I rarely have.  I'm sure I'll be fine by tomorrow... maybe.  I guess I'm just over people's BS today.  Why should I care if you don't kind of thing you know?  Tomorrow I'll care.. it's what always happens... but today... well, it's simply... what.ever.

And since I'm in a whatever kind of mood... I'm going to talk about something I never talk about.  My weight.  I've been fat.. well, for forever.  It's why I have low self-esteem and why I made some absolute stellar choices growing up.  Choices and decisions I can never take back all because I hated what I looked like and ultimately who I was.  So I bring this up not to depress anyone.  It's whatever-time remember?  I actually have pretty awesome news.  So my weight has fluctuated over the last nine years.  I've been up, down, in-between you name it.  But back in 2011 I hit my largest weight ever... just a tad bigger than what I was back in 2007 when I graduated High School.  And again, usually I wouldn't throw out numbers but what the hey... it's whatever day... 220lbs.  And since I'm only 5'4" well... it was ridiculous.  So with the help of my best friends I started losing weight.  Slowly at first.  Cynthia joined a gym and in all honesty that was the first thing that really got me motivated... so I joined the gym too.  And then in February I came up with a genius plan to have a weight loss competition with some friends and family members.  I figured it would give us motivation because the winner would get a prize at the end, and we'd lose weight, and I love competition; so it was a great plan.  Turns out that we never really finalized the winner or even figured out exactly what size everyone ended up as at the end of it... but as for me?  Well... since last June when I was a small cow... I've lost 47 pounds.  That's almost more than you're allowed to take on an airplane flight.  

If I wasn't in this mood.. I wouldn't be writing this.  Because usually I am annoyed by people who talk about their weight loss and the journey and their struggle... blah blah blah... but I'm probably annoyed because I'm always too chicken to talk about mine.  Or I think it's a private matter.  But let's be honest... you all see me.  You know what I look like and what I did look like.  So who cares... now I'm bringing it up.  I'm not done by any means because I'm still not exactly healthy.  I'd like to actually be able to get away were someone pursuing me on foot you know?  I don't have a goal weight... I just want to a) feel healthy and b) look good in a two piece swimsuit (ie bikini)- not a superficial dream whatsoever... 

I actually tried one on yesterday at target (never before in my life have I taken a bikini inside a dressing room... never).  Surprisingly it didn't look awful...  But I realized that even if I get to the point where I think I look good in one... there's no way I'd ever feel comfortable in one... I might as well have been wearing a bra and underwear.  That's what a bikini is! And I don't know about you.. but I don't ever plan on feeling comfortable walking around on the beach in my underwear.  I just thought it was really funny.  Good to know losing weight hasn't lessened my modesty any.  

Also, I'd just like to add that I hate the fact I can write a bazillion times better than I can talk.  I'm not saying my writing style/grammar is perfect by any means.  But had I tried to say any of the above out loud... I would have stuttered mumbled and have said 'ummm' at least forty-five times.  And giggled randomly as well I'm sure.  I wish I could just say what is on my mind.  But I don't because I can never find the right words.  Like trying to explain to my boyfriend how I feel about something that's been on my mind?  Nearly impossible for me.  And when I do it's usually because my emotions have taken over and I turn into a crazy bat lady and can't control myself.  My best friends?  Well... it's getting better... but any time the conversation is about something uncomfortable or awkward.. I clam up.  I go back to stuttering and not knowing how to say what I want.  Family... well... I'm pretty good with them now... I've had twenty three years to get over whatever problems my brain has with speaking when it comes to them.  They're actually the only ones I can actually talk to freely without having a maze to climb through before I get to my point.  It's just sucky is all.  

One more thing and then I'm done (if you're even still reading this... haha.  Longest blog ever right?  But I don't care because it's whatever).  I'd like to know if it's wrong for me to expect the people I love and care for to open up to me.  I'm not asking for deep dark secrets you know?  I'm just asking for things deeper than 'how was your day' and 'what did you eat for dinner?'  I mean how are relationships supposed to grow or even be maintained without a little curiosity and willingness to share?  This part is mainly for my brother, but totally applies to some others... (Vagueness suckssssss.  And I'm only doing it because I'm too chicken to call you out in person.............. so who knows who I'm referring to... ahhhhh).  I can't force you to have a conversation with me you know?  There's so much more going on than the daily rustics of life. I mean I love talking about movies and other fun things...but I can handle deep stuff too.  I'm a big girl (haha- literally).  I like hearing about it all.  But I hate feeling like I'm pushing.  I'm hoping it'll just happen in time.  You'll feel comfortable talking to me whenever about whatever.. but until then I'll still be here... as bothersome as ever. :D  

Alright.  I think I'm finally done.  Good game guys.  Good game.  High-fives all around.

Snow White and the Huntsman- my opinion

Yes, it is 3 am in the morning. Yes, I have work at 9 for 8.5 hours. Yes, I am choosing to do a blog review instead of sleep.
I am doing this because I am baffled by how much I disliked the latest movie I saw (at midnight).  I was having a really good streak too. Avengers, Avengers (again), Battleship, MIB.  All very good movies.  Ones I highly suggest you go out and see.  Snow White and the Huntsman?  Do not go see.  Trust me when I say you should save your money (if you can movie hop into it then by all means waste three hours of your life... have at it).  Let me explain my reasoning:
1) I am enthralled by movies.  I get wrapped all up and in movies to the point I totally forget I'm sitting in a movie theatre with a bunch of strangers.  (I do it with books and tv shows too... so don't judge me too harshly... I can allow reality to melt away.  It's honestly really neat ... but anyway.. back to the subject at hand) In this movie I was able to plan my schedule for tomorrow (which included picking my outfit for work), have a mini debate with myself (inside my head obviously), and count my calories for the day all while repeating the words, "I am so bored." over and over again in the background.  What I'm trying to get at is that it's incredibly slow.  Too slow.  Had it been a book I would have been skipping chapters left and right in order to get to the end to see what happens.  But I couldn't do that because it was a movie.  So I had to sit... and wait... and wait.
2) I've never been a huge fan of Snow White but the trailer for this movie looked wicked and totally pulled me in.  It had an overall stellar cast with some pretty famous people including Chris Hemsworth (Thor!!!!!).  Which means the acting was mighty fine.  And for those of you who like Kristin Stewart ... she's in it.  And for those of you who don't... she barely talks.  The cinematography was definitely epic.  Reminded me of Narnia and Lord of the Rings smashed together.  The soundtrack was also exhilarating and pretty likable.  All good things yes?  But what about the plot?  The meat to this otherwise delectable sandwich.  And here is my answer: it was poop.  Poop on a stick.  I already told you how absolutely bored I was.  But I was also staring at the screen trying to figure out where they're trying to go with all this.  Even now as I think back I seriously don't understand.  So many holes and unanswered questions!  And that ending?  Maybe they'll make a sequel.  (bahahahahaha)
3) I'm just restating how bored I was.  Bored bored bored.
Alright I'm done reviewing/complaining.  But I had to warn you all not to go see it.  I mean you still can....... hahaha.

Graduation Vacation- Final excerpt

Good song time!
Brokenhearted by Karmin
I first really listened to her on a car ride with Megan DeBoard in March- delayed reaction obviously. So fun though. Just go listen. Maybe while you continue reading. ;)
So, I'm officially back home in San Diego. I did a great job at keeping everyone updated on my vacation. Three whole blogs! Well, now a fourth... Hah. I'm going to summarize the last week in a succinct yet descriptive manner:
HARRY POTTER LAND WAS AMAZING!!!!!! UNIVERSAL STUDIOS WAS SOOO MUCH FUN!!! I LOVE WATER RIDES!!!! BUTTERBEER TASTED FANTASTIC!!! AND ALL MAGICAL!!! Then went to my great Uncle's house... and he had a GOLF CART in his garage... which means I drove around in a GOLF CART FOR A WEEK. We also did some water parks and DisneyQuest (Giant arcade heaven!!! played four-way air hockey... it was intense. and insane... because my mom was still partially blind... so imagine that for a moment why don't you). Then we came home. And I found out I GOT THE PROMOTION AT BOOKSTAR!!!! You are now reading the blog of the new Kid's Lead at Barnes and Nobles in Point Loma!!!! All the responsibilities!!!
So yes, that was the rest of my vacation. Overall it was great and fantastic in spite of the stress that I wasn't exactly prepared for. I love my family and am very thankful for the pause in reality they provided me. I miss them already and wish that there was a way we could be closer to each other.  :/ But alas, for now I will deal with the distance that separates us.
I am now going to add pictures of the vacation.  I used a really cool app called picstitch to throw them together.  The first few will be from Universal Studios and the rest will be from Disney. I'll leave the captions up to you... imagine the possibilities!

Please excuse whatever haphazard shape and format these pictures turned out in... blogger didn't want to work properly. And by properly I mean in a manner I need it to work and do things.  Obviously.  But hopefully the pictures give you a glimpse of how wonderful it all was.  
So, like I said before, here I am back in San Diego... graduated, with a full time job. Crazy right?  I guarantee you had I been asked if I was staying in SD at the start of last school year I would have said No way! With a sad chuckle on the end.  But things change and I'm pleasantly content with such happenings.  Well, more than content. Incredibly happy.  I still miss my family, but that goes without saying.  It's really the only main downside to sticking around here.  That just means I'll have to visit and visa versa.  See? Totally doable.  Alright, I'm going to jet off, but before I go here are five random (and not so random) things I am grateful for:

1) Band-aids- there for you whenever you may decide to wield a knife in a way that a knife probably wasn't made for...
2) Skype/Google Hangout- "You're funny." and I love it. (won't make sense to most of you... that's alright... keep movin' along)
3) Pinky rings- because they're cute
4) Pointless- I'm still obsessed. #notmyfault
5) Golf carts- self-explanatory

Music to my ears. Literally.

Remember in my last blog when I mentioned a few songs I'd been listening to but couldn't post any links due to the simple fact there were no videos?  Well it turns out that two days later a few videos have been posted.  And so here I am again, promoting and hooraying for such occurrences as these.  There are only five from their concert so far, but since I know the guy uploading them (he's my boyfriend) I know the rest are sure to follow and will eventually be placed in a loving playlist for all you soon-to-be die hard fans and/or current ones.

Carry On My Wayward Son
Don't Cry Out
Everything

Now, I can't just go posting links to songs without any type of narration or commentary.  This is a blog afterall.  I have a favorite, and in all honesty it's been my favorite for almost five years now... and this concert was the first time I saw it performed in tune... for the entire thing.  (I know that may sound confusing... and you're probably thinking ... that makes no sense.. how could you like it if it's off key?  Well here is my answer to that: one of the soloists was always off key.  [turns out they just had to change this particular soloist... what a concept] The other soloist, and the main reason why the song is so bloody fabulous in the first place, always sounds beyond fantastic.  and oh yeah, he's the boyfriend.  One bazillion points to me.)  Dun dun dun and the song is... Don't Cry Out.  So, if you're in a rush and can only listen to one... there ya go.  Seriously, stop reading this and just go watch it.  duh. (Oh and like it at least fifty times and comment on it's wonderfulness... I know I will... I haven't yet... but I so will.)
However, Everything and Carry On My Wayward Son are also very awesome.  I enjoy both songs... and am still a tad disappointed they nixed the choreography for Carry on... if you'd like to see it... go here (you will chuckle at least once, I swear). Or just peruse their YouTube page yourself!  All kinds of goodies await you.  And I seriously mean all kinds of goodies.  It's like Bertie Botts Every Flavor Beans; good luck.

As for the rest of the 2012 Concert... well, if you just can't get enough of the videos (or your patience, like mine, is next to nothing... and you don't want to wait for the rest of the uploaded concert videos)  go to iTunes and buy their latest CD.  Search: Pointless VI  It's the cool cover with the ties.  Because that's their thing... crazy ties... (and just craziness in general, but I love them for it).  It's only ten bucks, and it's beyond worth it.  I promise.

Okay, I think that's a pretty solid promotion blog.  I linked almost fifty things... (I love hyperbole!!!) so watch at least one of them... and just enjoy.  I love Pointless and am really pleased that the year I graduated they were extra wonderful.  :D

I'll post a blog about Butterbeer and Hogwarts and water rides next time around.  But for now, let Pointless rock your world. Toodles.

Graduation Vacation: entry #3

Soooo, it's been awhile since I've updated because a crap load of stuff has occurred and I wasn't in the best mind set to be writing about any of it... otherwise all you would have been reading were curses and gibberish angry words.  It would have been amusing no doubt, but hardly an acceptable blog post.  Especially one while I'm on vacation. haha.

But to get us started I am going to shamelessly promote Pointless (best male acappella group at PLNU...hehe the only male acappella group... but they'd still be the best either way. Truth.) because if you remember correctly a few blog posts back I went to their concert and it was AMAZING.  And currently their two worship songs are kind of keeping me at peace and are simply beautiful. BUT because they have yet to upload ANY videos from their concert onto youtube I cannot share these songs with you... but must tell you to go to iTunes...  search Pointless VI ... and then buy Beautiful Things and I Will Not Be Shaken.  Or just buy the whole CD.  That works too.  It's worth it; I promise.

Well, let's get the poop news out of the way.  My mother had a detached retina and had to have surgery on Tuesday- while we're here in Orlando.  Since then she has been able to do absolutely nothing with the family.  She's barely been awake these past three days to be all honest.  And I put a brave face on at first acting like it wouldn't change anything besides the fact she's not with us... but that's just it... she's not with us.  And that changes everything.  And now, we have alot of research and decision making to do tomorrow because my mother can't get her eye wet.  And well, since Cancun is primarily full of 'wet' type attractions.. like pools and the ocean... it seems a bit problematic.  Not to mention a whole bunch of other factors.  So long story short... I will adapt to whatever is decided.  And if worse comes to worse... I have my e-reader and have at least three books I'm behind on.  Read all the books!

Now, let me clarify, I have been having a really great time in spite of my Mom's stupid eye freaking out and deciding it doesn't get enough attention.  Attention whore.  It's just been different, and in the back of my mind I'm bummed my Mom's not with us.  With this said, we went to a water park, Magic Kingdom, and Epcot in the last three days while my Mom's been down for the count.  I've had tons of fun and even though my emotions are as temperamental as San Diego weather I'm doing great... right now. lol.  My Dad and Brother have been super patient with me, as have some other people I've let loose on in the last two days.  They know who they are... and I am very thankful you put up with my antics. :D

Here are some pictures for your pure enjoyment/entertainment:

And because this blog is still mildly depressing I shall share with you some funny little stories that occurred within the last day.  They shall each begin with:
         That awkward moment when...
You're taking a picture with your dad in front of the fake Eiffel tower in Epcot and the lady taking the photo asks if you're a couple.

         That awkward moment when...

Your father asks which side you'd like to go on.  And you reply, "I don't care," while simultaneously turning left.  Only to realize a good ten steps later he turned right.  The Disney monorail attendant found it hilarious.

         That awkward moment when...
You and about twenty other people are stuck in a monorail cabin with a wasp.  And everyone stays absolutely still (after getting as far away from it as possible, of course) because no one is brave enough to kill it.

Fun times.

Tomorrow we leave Disney World and transfer to Universal Studios (HOORAY FOR HARRY POTTER LAND!!!!!!)  (I'M GOING TO DRINK BUTTERBEER)  (I'M SO EXCITED).  Oh, and it's my brother's 20th Birthday.  No big deal. So go wish him a Happy Birthday on Facebook or call me and I'll hand you right on over to him.  Scream the Happy Birthday song as loud as possible (I'll sing along of course)... this act of thoughtfulness usually makes his day.  hehe.  But seriously, I love my little brother and hope that even in spite of all this nonsense he has one wonderful birthday. Love you Daniel. :)

Whelp, that's it for now.  Until I post again... drunk on butterbeer!!!!!!  Muahahahahahahahaha.

Graduation Vacation: entry #2 :

A few tunes to get us all started- 

 Payphone - Maroon 5 

 Tonight - Tobymac 

Two very very different songs, but I find them both incredibly catchy and can't stop listening to them.  The first one is mildly depressing and has nothing to do with my feelings... but let's face it... when Maroon 5 sings (mainly Adam Levine) one has to listen- on repeat.  And Tobymac was my favorite back in middle school.  It's nice to know he's still got it going on (Backstreet Boys reference!!!) 

With that done I can now begin with the updates of what's been going down here in Florida.  Well, A) we made it safely.  B) my parents are sneaky little things and have been lying to my brother and I for over a year now.  You see, we usually stay at this one particular time share here in FL and it's really neat and has a giant volcano pool.  And up until about an hour ago this was the plan.  And then my sneaky parents put on this ruse that we're visiting family friends at the Disneyland Contemporary resort.  LIES.  We checked in!  No big deal.  That's a lie.  It's a huge deal.  This place is beautiful and amazing and DISNEY and yeah I may have teared up because my parents out do themselves... as per their usual.  I'm always grateful for any Family time... including time spent in my living room at home in Vegas... but then they go and pull things like this and I'm seriously overwhelmed.  AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I could probably continue with all the screaming but I hope you get my point.  

And on Mother's Day no less.  This is the day I'm supposed to be figuring out how to make my mom feel extra duper special.. and here she is.. making me feel like a princess.  So... any ideas?  Haha.  I'd say I have only about 13 hours to figure it out, but since I'm going to be with her non-stop for the next two weeks... we'll make that my deadline.  I have to think of something that blows her out of the water.  And she's not the kind of person that I can buy the world for (no no, she'd rather do that. lol.) but more so acts of service get her going.  So maybe keeping up with the laundry and cooking and doing things she'd normally have to do!  I can totally iron and cook and clean! (It's a time share so we don't have maids coming in every day)  I can maid it up!  Okay, so that's my plan.  But feel free to throw out any other ideas.  And then my Dad graduated and got his doctorate this year... and instead of walking with his class in NEW YORK!!! he decided he'd rather watch me walk at PLNU.  Because graduation day was on the same date.  So, then there is that.  And I have no idea how to even try to make that up to him.  Of course he'd say 'just spending time with you is worth it' which... is hardly enough.  So, I'll be thinking about ideas for him.  AND it's my brother's 20th birthday on the 18th!  Which is Friday.  And technically I haven't gotten him anything for his bday yet.  I can actually buy him something... but I don't know what.  Maybe a hat.  He LOVES hats.  Obsessively so.  Hmmm. Thoughtful.  Speaking of my brother this is a convo we had waiting in line to buy some Harry Potter land tickets:

Daniel- I don't know why I have the urge to headbutt you every time I see you, but I do.  I mean I'm controlling it, but the urge is there.

Me- Just me?

Daniel- I look at Mom and there's nothing, and then I look at you and I just want to headbutt.

That's our relationship.  I love him. 

Alright, well it is that time to get off my computer and mingle with the people I've been talking about. haha.  We may be going to DisneyQuest tonight so that's super exciting and then we're going to a restaurant called Ohana at the Polynesian Resort.  "Ohana means family"- Lilo and Stitch.  Appropriate.  :)  

Happy Mother's Day to all you mothers out there.  You're awesome.  Period.